Based on a True Story
by sayitlikeyoumeanit
Summary: Amdanda's summer's mapped out. Another boring summer where her friend is gone completely and she has to teach swimming lessons five days a week. That is until she learns there's two sides to every story and sometimes it's okay to go against all you know.
1. Prologue: Campfire Stories

Prologue: Campfire Stories

I walked towards the bonfire. Fire crackled upwards to the sky as if trying to burn it. It was peaceful. I didn't know why I was here but looking at the fire was weirdly calming. I sat down on one of the benches around it and looked at it. The colors were faded together within the flames- red to orange to yellow. I could see where the shades shifted and the warm air swallowed me up. I could have watched that flame forever. I bought the cup in my hand to my lips and tasted the can of coke I had poured into it. It was sweet on my tongue and cool. I looked around at everyone.

This was one of the times when I had no idea how I got here. Last summer Grace and I had just had a sleepover but this year everything had changed. I was at a party- not just any party- but one of the bonfires stoners had that were legendary. They were all by the lake and they had them as often as they could. I sipped my coke again and looked away from the fire and couldn't see Grace anywhere. I looked down at the dark heavy-looking liquid in my red and white plastic cup. I spun it around as my father always did when he drank glasses of wine. I looked up and saw kids passing a joint around across from me. I tried not to look repulsed by it. _Just be cool. Don't make this a big deal. They'll be smoking, just don't smoke and have a beer or something- you look tense._

Even though I couldn't bring myself to give the guy at the keg a five dollar bill for a beer, I hoped people would think I was drinking a coke mixed with all the different bottles in the cooler mixed in. I looked around for anyone I knew. I knew them all but they gave me weird looks. I looked to the ground and pulled the sleeves of my sweatshirt tighter over my hands.

This was going to be a long night.

* * *

Grace and I used to have a lot in common. We both never had a boyfriend nor had we ever been kissed. Everything changed last year when she was asked to the Homecoming by a Senior. We were just sophomores then, but it was a huge deal. She almost got a date for me but I stayed home that night. When Grace came back that night she was completely different. Or she had the potential to be different. She got highlights and when spring came she came out of her cucoon. She burst out the pretty, laughing girl that attracted boys like she was collecting them.

When she started wearing short skirts, I started wearing short skirts- longer than hers- but still enough to make my father mad. We wore the same clothes, except my hair was impossible to add blonde highlights to. I changed with her but now this was how much we had changed. I had told my father everything Grace had said to me this afternoon. I was sleeping over her house. Case closed. But we left out the bonfire. The aroma of weed radiating and making my eyes water. Then there was the fact that Grace hadn't been back for an hour.

"I'll be right back." She told me. "I just need to find Kenny. I'll be right back, don't worry."

She told me that one hour and seven minutes ago. I was still sitting here alone on the bench around the fire. I looked back in towards it and exhaled a little. I could get up and go to the bathroom for a few minutes and look less alone. I could text someone to try and look less anti-social, but all of a sudden I just felt like cracking. I wanted to leave, but I couldn't leave Grace. That's the stupidest thing to do in the entire world. So I just kept sitting there staring at the fire and waiting for her be right back to mean she was here and she had found Kenny.

She met Kenny in March. He went to the liberal arts school a few towns over but lived here. I heard of him but never met him. I still haven't really met him because he's all over the place and Grace just hasn't taked the time to try and let me get to know him. I was introduced to him but this is one of the few stoner parties I've been to and the first bonfire.

"Amanda!" I turned hearing her voice. "Where have you been?"

"Here," I said. "I haven't moved."

She comes over to me. "I can't find Kenny, have you seen him?" She says. "This is ridiculous, I know he's here..." Then she spots him. She goes over to him. I can't believe I never noticed him. He had been sitting in the ring of kids passing a joint around. She slid her hands around his neck pressing a kiss into his cheek. He smiled and looked at her. They kissed. In the soft light of the fire they looked like a picture. I could have captured them right then and there. They looked perfect, but I looked away because it wasn't my life to look into like that.

I looked back at her queeze in next to him. "Amanda, come over here." I looked over and got up looking at her as she whispered something into Kenny's ear. He laughed and slid his hand around her looking over at me. I was struck suddenly: what if they were talking about me? I tried to look normal coming here. I wore jeans and then converses Grace had picked out. I didn't wear anything suspecting. Nothing that shouted I don't belong here, but then again I didn't look like a stoner.

I sat down on the edge of the circle. The center of our town is this lake. Everyone goes to the lake to hang out. It's where you go for cook-outs. It's where you learn to swim. I was going to spend my whole summer here. Grace was going away to a sleep-away camp like she always did and I was finally old enough to get a job here working at the camp a half a mile along the shore from here.

Twenty-five hours until Grace left and seventy-two until I was teaching little kids how to swim or play wiffle ball. I leaned onto my knees and listened to the conversation. Sixty days until summer was over. Thirty five of which I'll be working at the came. Forty of which Grace will be gone. I did the math sitting there the whole time. Nobody offered me a joint or looked in my direction. I looked at the fire and counted the days I had this summer. I knew my summer down pat. I knew every day and what I'll be doing. I knew it like it was my favorite movie- line for line.

I didn't want to look to bothered when Grace got the joint passed to her. I watched her take a hit before her and Kenny got up and walked away holding hands. I watched them and took a sip of my coke again. Sometime I figured she'd be back to come over and tell me she'd be right back but for now I was alone again.

I took out my phone and checked it. Two hours until midnight. That's when it was good to ask Grace if we could go home. I could feel an imaginary headache coming on. I got up again and went towards the house to look for the bathroom again.

* * *

I was sitting on the porch looking around and pretending to be in a conversation with a girl I used to be friends with in middle school and her friends. I saw Kenny first bursting out of the woods storming. He looked pissed. Then Grace came. She was crying. "Ken!" She said. Everyone around where I was looked over. He kept walking. He walked all the way around the house with her behind him until she stopped. I watched her. She wiped under her eyes. I swallowed and slipped off of the porch railing and walked over to her.

I knew she'd do the same for me. I went over and touched her elbow. "Are you okay?" I asked.

Her mouth was a tight line and she shook her head. I moved my arms around her and hugged her. I knew she liked Kenny. She's always liked Kenny. She said he was everything she ever wanted in a guy. I knew right away they had broken up. I squeezed her and she pulled away. "Can we just go?" Her moth faded into a sad frown.

I nodded. "Yeah, come on," I said.

The walk away was short. We walked to the cars all crowded in someone's driveway. She walked quickly and got in slamming her door. I winced and went over to mine. The metal was cool undr my fingertips. I looked around in case anyone was watching. I figured they might because I knew Kenny was popular in this crowd of people. Then I saw him.

He was walking back and stopped and slowed a little looking at me. I made eye contact with him and we looked at each other for a quick second. He stopped fully and watched me. I didn't know what to do. I lifted a hand to wave and he just watched me. He nodded and then looked at my car. He probably figured Grace was in there. She had here eyes in her hand and was crying. I opened my door and got in. I started it and she cried softer. I touched her shoulder. "I'm sorry," I said. "You're so much better than him."

Grace never broke up with anyone so I figured Kenny wouldn't be the first. She looked over at me. "Thanks," She whispered softly. Her eyes were red from crying. I pulled out and turned at the end of the driveway and driving back saw Kenny still looking at us. I felt the same anger welling inside of me. He just dumped her like that. They were so perfect just a half hour before.

It's how most things go. I figure I'll hear the whole story tonight.


	2. Chapter 1: Summer Camp

Chapter 1: Summer Camp

"Welcome to Camp Jones!" I winced as the microphone made the lead Camp Counselor's voice ten times louder. I was standing in a group with all the girls who had signed up for this with me. It was supposed to look good on my college resume according to my father. The reason I say all of the group of girls is because we were all clumped together. Nobody was at all like Grace. They were all people who were in the same classes as I was. We were all doing this for college. The guys were doing this for cash.

All of the guys sat together in a clump on the ground or on the fence. They were all talking and laughing together. I looked over and saw them all. They weren't the least bit interested in any of us. There were one or two girls over there talking with them and smiling with sunglasses on and short shorts but the rest of us were complete opposites of those girls.

There were kids all in front of us ranging from five-year olds to ten-year olds. They all watched smiling or looking depressed. I looked across them all. There had to be at least fifty. I would have to teach them all to make popsible bird-houses or to swim. I frowned at the idea. I wasn't a good swimmer as it is. I crossed my arms and looked at the lead Camp Counselor. She had to be at least seventy by now because she hadn't changed since I came here when I was five. She was terrifying. I swallowed and watched her as she talked excitedly about everything.

This was a day-camp. The kids came at ten and they were split into groups. Then from there they were dispersed around the camp. At lunch they were all hoarded under the picnic tables covered by a waterproof cover that seated up to a hundred people. They were given macaroni and cheese or chicken sticks or cheese burgers. It took the cooks forever to make all of the foor but it was good food. It was all volenteer parents. On rainy days we did arts and crafts.

I knew all of this from my five or six years coming here and then a refresher twenty-minute speech about our roles are role models and how to handle children and what we're doing as camp counselors. I was going to be paired up with someone and eventually we might swap partners around if we wanted for keep them for the first week. Everyone was CPR certified and knew how to teach kids how to swim becuase people lived off of the town's lake. The kids could probably swim better than us. Half of us were probably lifeguards- I wasn't but I knew a lot of people who were.

I looked around scanning all of the faces. I heard this speech five or six times. I swallowed and moved a hand to my mouth chewing gently at my nails. Five minutes later: "Okay! Let the games begin!" I winced as she said that. I dropped my arms to my side and the lady told all of the children to sit and wait while the conselors from last year went up with clipboards and read of kid's names. I watched the conselors go one by one.

They were all seniors. The camp only let seniors and juniors work here in the summer. I only knew a few of them. There were a few popular girls from my school that went up acquire a group of seven kids each. The group around me thinned out and all the girls in my grade were left. I was surprised when Kenny went up. THe Kenny was a conselor.

I looked at him and wanted to ring his throat. Grace said he just dumped her so suddenly. It was completely unexpected and she didn't see it coming at all. But she should have because he got pissed off really suddenly all the time. She figured he'd come crawling back- whenever they fought he did. "Would you date him again?" I asked.

She shrugged. "I loved him." She said. "But you know," She tapped out her cigarette- the ashes gettign caught in the wind. Her arm had been dangled out the window so her parents wouldn't smell the smoke. "I don't know. I'll see what happens. Maybe not this time." She frowned then and was quiet for a few seconds. I just watched her.

Like all of Grace's ex-boyfriends I despised Kenny. He was an asshole for breaking up with her like that. He didn't even giver her a reason- at least Grace didn't mention one. She just said he had a huge mood swing and freaked out at her- which was usual I guess- and then broke up with her saying he didn't want to see her ever again. I looked at him. All the little kids got up and walked over to him. He was a stoner. A pathetic stoner, he couldn't possibely keep a summer job. I looked forward to the day they caught him smoking weed in the boat shed or something.

He lead the kids over to one of the seven picnic tables and blew his whistle like it was a toy. All the kids laughed at what he said and I glared at him. I hated him. He got over her so quickly. He was an asshole.

Then we were told to split off and form groups of counselors and meet all of the kids and play name-games to get to know all the kids' names. I followed a girl who was in all of my classes last year over to her friend Paul. We stood there and learned all of the kids' names paired with their favorite fruit or vegetable that starts with the same letter. Laura Lemon. Erin Eggplant. Tyler Tic-tac. Olivia Orange. Brad Banana. Santana Santa Clause Shaped Chocolate Figures.

* * *

We played Mayan Lava pit with colored bases and the kids took an hour to get it right. I watched as Cameron and Natalie had fun with it. They laughed and joked with the kids. I smiled and explained the games and Olivia Orange always asked me if she was playing the game right. I like kids I guess. I'm alright with them. I good enough with them so I can teach them how to play Mayan Lava pit or Softball. They were all seven or eight so they were easier. The five and six-year-olds were the worst groups to get. I was happy Kenny got them. I hoped he was miserable.

The lunch bell rang as we carried the colored bases back to the game equipment shed. "Lunch time!" Natalie said smiling. "Guess what you're having?"

"Mac'n'cheese," Tyler Tic-tac said. "Duh." He was a know-it-all. He had bright orange hair and freckles splashed on his face. He walked next to me and Olivia Orange- who exchanged an annoyed look with me.

"Right," I said to Tyler Tic-tac.

"Ming!" I heard from nowhere. "Dude! Sand in people's pants isn't cool!" I looked over and saw Kenny and his group. He had a girl I hadn't noticed working here with him. A little Asian boy barely up to my waist with a handful of sand in his hand. He dropped it instantly.

"Zowwy Kenny," He sniffled and Kenny just waved him along.

I turned my head forward and looked forward. We walked the kids over to the tables. I didn't have lunch patrol today. I have it on Wednesday so I can eat macaroni and cheese today. The counselors sit together and all the kids everywhere else. I sat down with everyone else with a little styrofoam bowl of steaming macaroni and cheese. It looks appetizing but it gets monotonous and tasteless after a while.

The girls around me talk about the lifeguards and about school and their dream colleges. I'm not in the mood so I sit on the edge and pick at my bowl of macaroni. I can't text Grace and tell her Kenny works here this summer. I can't text her at all. They are on a cell phone purge the whole time they're at camp. I take out my phone anyways and scroll through my contacts. I have most of my contacts from school trips and classes, but out of all of them there's no one in the world I could just send a message to.

"Hey, are you friend's with Grace Reed?"

I look up and it's nobody other than Kenny. I nod. "Yeah," I say. Natalie next to me looks at Kenny. He's nothing too special. I mean he's cute. He doesn't have any visible physical deformities and he has nice big brown eyes to match his curly brown hair. He squints at me like he's trying to put a name to my face. I wait and he points at me.

"Have we met?" He asks. "I feel like I know you."

I swallow a knot in my throat. My stomach does a summer-sault. I don't really know what to say. Would "Yeah, you might not remember it anyways..." suffice? I look around and then nod. "Yeah," I say. "I think so. What's your name again?" That's something Grace would say. Something's she's trained me to say. If you met someone who isn't so special and they pull the cheesy I-think-I-know-you-from-somewhere pretend you don't remember either. Then it works out the way you want it. It puts them where they belong.

"Kenneth," He says. "I mean, Kenny, I think I remember your name..." He pauses. "Amanda right?"

I am shocked he knows this. I'm shocked he's talking to me. He dumped my friend last weekend and here he is talking to me. "Yeah," I say running my fingers through my ponytail wrapped tight behind me. I feel my cheeks flush. I wish Grace were here to take over. I'm not good at this.

"Is she gone yet?" He asks looking at me.

_He'll come crawling back, I know it. _I nod. "Yep," I say.

"Huh," He said. "She makes a safe getaway sometimes." He smiles a little to himself. "Tell her I said Hi if you talk to her, and that Ben asked for her."

I narrow my eyes at him. "Okay?" I say in a small voice.

He smiles at me slightly. "Are you working here all summer?" He asks me. Natalie looks back and forth between us as we talk. I want to hate him. I want to be a complete bitch to him. I want to pull this off how Grace would, but he scares me.

"Yeah," I said shifting a little. _You have to sit up, you can't slump around and expect people to take you seriously. Those seniors at homecoming treated me like shit until they got the hint I wasn't going to slump away and hide from them. You have to be a confident bitch to get respect, I'll tell you that. _I straightened up. "You?"

"Yeah," He says. "Have been for the past two summers. I guess I'll see you around a lot then lately, huh?"

I nod. "Probably," My voice shook a little. I felt like I was supressing a seizure. I wanted to start shaking. My back was hot and my cheeks were ready to start burning. He didn't even show a sign of this. _You have to be the bigger person, Mand, you can't expect to be one right off of the bat. _I try to look cool. He smiles a little at me.

"See you around then," He waves and starts walking away.

"Bye," I say, my voice getting high and light. I look down at my bowl of macaroni. I dig my fork into it viciously annihilating a line of poor elbows as I do. Natalie nudges me. "He's so hot," She says. "Didn't him and Grace break up?"

I nod. "He dumped her for no reason," I say.

Then Natalie looks at him walking over to give a high-five to the little kid Ming whose face is painted with the cheese. He talks to the kid and I look back to my bowl of macaronie. Natalie smiles to herself laughing a little. "I wish I was his type of girl," She said. "He's c_u_te." I look over and see him continue walking.

"I guess," I say. _If you have no idea what to say about a guy, or like, I don't know, don't want to tell people you think he's anything special just say he's not your type. It's an understanded completely meaningless answer to every guy comment that every girl takes as they want to. _I shrug a shoulder like Grace does. "I mean, he's not my type or anything."

Natalie goes back to her bowl of macaroni and cheese. I look down at mine and find it unappetizing. I want to ring his neck still. He was such an ass about Grace. Just because you're mad at someone doesn't mean you can dump them for no reason. I finish the styrofoam serving anyways so I don't look anorexic.

* * *

When Natalie takes off her t-shirt and jean shorts she's in a dark blue bikini. I always feel awkward in mine. I slip my shirt off over my head and then slip my shorts off. A lifeguard whistles at us as a joke but really means it. The kids are all in the same bathing suits and run into the water. Cameron is righr behind them.

I walk with Natalie and Olivia Orange and Tyler Tic-tac whose afraid of water.

"Hey, Ken," Natalie says. "Looking good." I look over and see Kenny pulling his shirt off. He's not muscular or tanned or perfect. He turns around and tosses his shirt of mimicing a bad model. Natalie laughs and he smiles.

"Just doing it for the ladies," He says winking at her. He looks at me and I turn my head back to Cameron. The water is clear and we walk in with the kids. Tyler Tic-tac is clutching my hand and wimpering. I look over across the line of floats and roap and see Kenny walking in with a girl clinging to him and a kid at each hand.

I look at Cameron who is asking all of the kids about what they know about swimming. They all say random things which he smiles at. Cameron is cute. He has muscles and a six-pack. He teaches the kids how to make an ice-cream scoop with their hands and swim from one dock to the neck in three foot water. Tyler Tic-tac clings to my hand and watches. "Swimming is dumb," He says. "This is why we have boats."

Natalie swims out along the line of little kids and I look at Tyler. "It's fun though," I say. "What if it's really hot out?"

"My mom always takes me to get ice cream," He says tightly. He looks behind him. "I hate this camp. It's only cool if Ken is your group leader. He lets you use his whistle when we go on nature hikes." I look forward ar Cameron whose helping Erin Eggplant with her ice cream scooping and making sure she knows she can stay up.

"I wish my mum faked my age so I could have Ken as my group leader," He said. "He lets us play kickball and doesn't count outs if the ball bounces off of a kid's head because he was "trying" to catch it." Natalie laughs as Santana Santa Claus Chocolate Shaped Figure jumps up into her arms. I see Olivia Orange swimming back and then changing direction rapidly.

"Ken doesn't do the stupid ice cream scoop swimming thing," Tyler Tic-tac says. "He makes up his own. And Ken doesn't let anyone swim unless everyone wants to. Ken never made me swim when I didn't feel like it anymore. Ken let me sit on the dock with him and blow his whistle-"

"Hey," I say. "Come on," I slip my hand out of his. "I'll swim with you. It'll be fun. Just you and me-"

Tyler Tic-tac looks at me. He looks behind him at Kenny and then sighs. "Can I just sit on the dock?" He asks.

"Nope," I say. "I'm going to go swim, are you coming or not."

Tyler Tic-tac looks back and then sighs deeper. "O-K," He says. We walk to the other dock and I end up standing there with him as he goes on.

"Ken never made me..."

* * *

I wash all of the lake water off of me and come out rubbing a towel into my hair. I see Natalie and a few girls packed up and texting and talking. "Cameron looks good this year," Natalie says. "Do you think he's worth it?"

"I think he likes you," Mary-Beth with glasses says. "I'd go after him if I were you."

I get my bag and zip it shut and throw my towel over my arm. "Kenny broke up with his girlfriend too," Sarah with huge boobs says. "Someone cheated on someone, but I don't know who. He's not talking about it. He's pretty pissed about it."

I freeze. He cheated on her? I want to call her right now and ask her if she was okay. How could he do that? I walk out quickly and let the screen door slam behind me. I walk across the parking lot. I see Cameron sitting on a fence. "Hey Amanda," He says.

I stop and turn and look at him. "Hi," I say.

He smiles a little. "What did you think of day one?" He asks. Cameron is in my grade. He's not in my classes but I know him. We were science partners Freshman year.

I shrug. "It was okay," I run my hands through my hair. I can't get over it. Kenny. Stoner stupid Kenny. He cheated on Grace. I feel worse for Grace. There's no way she would ever do that to Kenny. No wonder she won't take him back. I wouldn't want her to. Then I wonder if she knows. If she doesn't I don't want to be the one to tell her. I'd feel like the worst friend in the world. But then again, I'd want her to tell me.

"We have a pretty good group," He says. "The kids are pretty cool. But it's cool to have someone decent to work this summer with." He smiles at me a little.

Grace was in love with Kenny. She must be devastated. I can't believe I had no idea what happened. I was so off. "Yeah," I said. "I know, I was thinking the same thing."

"I'll see you tomorrow," He says.

"Bye," I say. I turn and walk to my car. The little grey one near the exit. I get out right away and pull out onto the street. It curves slightly and take out my phone. 'Did other stuf hapen w/Kenny?' I send it and know I won't get an answer. I just hope she sees it and knows she needs to find out whatever else happened.


	3. Chapter 2: Diving Contests

Chapter 2: Diving Contests

I stood at my group's designated log. They were in a circle around a campfire for the marsh-mellow roast we had ever Friday for the kids. The log was painted green and had red Christmas lights around the bottom. It was kind of cool when they lit them up when we had the campfire roast, but it looked dead and dirty in the daylight.

Natalie was sitting and Cameron still hadn't showed up yet. Kids were starting to come. We had Eggplant Erin with us who didn't talk to anyone but Cameron. She skuffed her little light up sneakers in the dirt clearing away yellow pine-needles and looked around. The whistle was sharp and sudden. I jumped and looked over at Kenny. "Ming, dude," He said. "Get down, you'll break your back if you fall."

The little asian boy was in a tree about ten feet up. "Zowwy Kenny," He said. He started climbing away and I looked away. The other kids sat neatly on their pink log and looked up at Kenny giggling a little. Ming came over and Kenny kneeled down and talked ot him shaking his head and the kid just nodded. "Ow-tay Kenny," I heard him say.

I looked ahead and saw Cameron cutting down the path with our schedule today. He came up to us. "We start out with the crafts," He said. "Pine cones to pine trees..." The guys never like arts and crafts, they'd rather play kickball or something with the kids. Something that's physical. Natalie groans like she doesn't want to teach the kids how to paint their pine cones when she told me she couldn't wait to do arts and crafts. She was exhausted yesterday from wiffle ball.

Tyler Tic-tac walked right by us over to Kenny who smiled and offered him a high five. Natalie looked over. "Isn't he with us?"

"Yeah," I say. I look forward and seeing Olivia Orange and Santana Santa Claus Chocolate Shaped Figure coming down one after the other in a pack of kids.

"What's his name?" Cameron asks.

"Tic-tac right?" Natalie says.

"Tyler," Erin Eggplant says to Cameron looking up at him. He smiles at her and thanks her. But Kenny looks over all of a sudden and shakes his head smiling. Tyler looks behind right at me. I feel a shake travel through my gut. Then it oges away. There's no way they could be talking about me. Tyler's seven.

Then Kenny walks with him over to us. Tyley Tic-tac looks disappointed and gives Natalie and Cameron a dirty look as he comes over. He sits down next to where I'm standing and Kenny smiles at us. "I didn't want to steal Ty away from you guys," He says. He looks at Cameron and nods. "You want to meet up tonight?"

"Yeah," Cameron says. "I'll hang around."

"Cool, man," Kenny says. Natalie looks at me with a confused look. "See you then," He pats Cameron's shoulder and looks at me as he walks by. "Hey," He says.

"Hi," I said softly.

He keeps walking. "Ming, dude," He says. "What are you doing?" Ming drops the rock in his hand.

"Zowwy Kenny..."

* * *

The three of us sit on the side and watch the kids play on the gym equipment. Olivia Orange throws a ball into the basketball hoop and gets in, no tottering or tittering- nothing but net. "When did you and Kenny start hanging out?"

"We don't,"

"You made plans to this morning..."

"Oh, that,"

"So... what?"

"Nothing,"

"You can tell me, I won't tell anyone. Neither will Amanda, right?"

I look over. I shake my head. I look over across the playground and see Tyler Tic-tac skuff his shoes in the sand. He's sitting on the edge and leans onto his elbows looking depressed and sad. He told me he didn't like Santana because he's weird and picks his nose. He likes Olivia but she says he has germs. So he's alone on the side listening to the other girls beside Olivia play jump-rope.

"... How many babies will she have? One, two, three, four, five..."

"Fine, he sells me weed."

"He's a dealer?"

"... Six, seven, eight, nine..."

"No, he just gets me a little. I don't know. Are you going to make a big deal out of this?"

"I had no idea he dealed..."

"He doesn't, I just asked him once if he'd get me a couple ounces, nothing big. He doesn't even know a dealer."

"... ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen-" The rope gets caught in Erin's feet and everyone bursts out into giggles. Sweet and light like sugar. I get up.

"Then where does he get it?"

"I don't know his friends..."

I walk across the playground to Tyler Tic-tac and sit down next to him. "Hey," I say looking at him.

"Hi," He says dropping one hand and shifting over to look at me.

"Why aren't you playing?" I ask.

"It's boring," He says. "Kenny always took us into the field to play red rover when we had recreation block."

I look forward. "You don't like playgrounds?" I ask.

"No," He says. "I hate them."

"Why?"

"They're so boring." He says.

"I love playgrounds, especially the swings." I saw looking over at him. "Do you like using the swings?"

He hesitates. "I don't know," He says. "I have to have someone push me."

I shrug. "That's okay," I say.

"Nuh-uh," He says. "Everyone makes fun of me."

I shake my head. "I won't," I say. "Being pushed is more fun than pumping your legs."

He shrugs. "I wouldn't know." He says.

"I could teach you," I say.

He looks over at the swings. The seat is a faded red rubber and the chains are bright silver. He shakes his head. "No, thanks," He says.

"It's not scary," I say. "Come on..."

"No," He says looking at me. "Thank you though."

I shrink back and he looks ahead. Santana was doing jump-rope and falls down onto the concrete. He hits harder than the rope and I hear him crying. I get up instantly and rush over. Cameron and Natalie look over not sure what just happened. It was so fast. He is lying on the hard concrete crying. His face is squished up like a crying baby and all of the girls stand back like statues with their mouths hanging open. "What just happened?" is hanging in the air.

* * *

When I come back they sent another counselor over to watch the kids. Everyone is playing like nothing happened and Cameron and Natalie are at the nursing station with Santana. I see Olivia fly down the high aluminum slide and then Erin doing the monkey bars. Then by the swings I see Tyler pumping his legs slowly.

I stop for a second and stare. At Tyler and then beside him is Kenny. I see Kenny stop pumping and watch Tyler and he slowly gains. He nods and talks to Tyler. He's teaching him how to swing. I turn and walk over to the playground where Lemon- the quiet girl with glasses whose name I've forgotten is sitting on the play-form platform looking down through the holes.

"Hi," I say.

She looks up and lifts her hand in a wave smiling. She looks down through the holes again. Then she pushes offo f the play-form platform and starts for the twirling slide. She makes it halfway down before she stop and just lays there. I look over again and see Tyler soaring. He's pumping higher and higher. Kenny is beside him smiling. He's watching Tyler like I am. "Good," I see his mouth shape the word. He says something and Tyler seems to listen. He stops pumping and closes his eyes.

I remember doing that when I was little. You felt like you were flying on your own. No swing was beneath you. You just held onto the chain and floated. I look and see Kenny he looks away from Tyler as if senseing me. He smiles weakly at me before looking back over at Tyler who is almost reaching a stop.

Tyler Tic-tac digs his feet into the mulch and looks over smiling and rosey-cheeked at Kenny who offers him a high five. Tyler hadn't gone too high but he was a natural anyways. I push off and start walking over to the seat on the log lining of the playground. I sit down and watch the kids. I pretend nothing happened like everyone else seems to do until the lunch bell rings and I meet up with Cameron and Natalie and the lead camp counselor at the picnic tables.

"He's okay," She tells me. "He just never jump roped before- and you know what it's like when you try new things.

* * *

I sit on the edge of the dock as Cameron teaches everyone how to do the pencil drop into the water. The kids all dive in one at a time pretending to be ironed stiff. Tyler sits next to me. "Kenny taught us this when we were six," He says.

I look down and see Olivia pop up and wipe water out of her goggles. "Did you see that Amanda?" She asks. "I touched the bottom!"

"I know," I say smiling. "That was so cool." Olivia doggie-padles over to the ladder and climbs up and joins the line as everyone goes again.

"Tyler?" Natalie says stepping around Cameron to look at Tyler. "Do you want to go?"

"Nope," He says.

"You have to try it at least once," Natalie has been saying this.

Tyler looks over at me. "I have to go to the bathroom," He says.

I nod. It's the tenth time I've walked him to the bathroom in the past one and a half days. I walk next to him up the path and towards the boys' bathroom. I wait outside leaning against the door. It takes Tyler a while. I'm not allowed to look in. I don't want to. I just wait. Soon Tyler comes out and he's not alone. Kenny walks out with Ming. I catch the end of another: "Zowwy Kenny..."

"She doesn't care..." Tyler says. "Amanda, is it okay if I join Kenny's group?"

I look at Tyler. "Um," I say.

"Dude," Kenny says. "You can't just put someone on the spot. I'll talk to her, you and Ming walk to the totem pole, I'll do the negotiations." My stomach drops. I panic.

Tyler gives him a look. "You're not good at negotiations," He says. I was never so thankful for a seven-year-old.

Kenny sighs smiling still. "You can't give up, you gotta work to get good at something, and make sure Ming doesn't put sand anywhere..." Tyler and Ming walk away and Kenny looks at me.

"It's against the rules," He says. "But I promised him I'd let him join my group every once in a while last year. I mean, everyone gets annoyed with the poor kid, but he's really pretty cool..."

I was surprised he isn't acting like an asshole. I can't get past it. He cheated on my best friend. How could he do that? I thought they were perfect for each other and he just cheats on her like that. "...I'm just giving you a heads up. But is it okay with you guys if he joins my group or something at the marshmellow thing? I mean he won't be like hanging out with the little kids- he'll probably be helping me out."

I blink. "Sure," I say shrugging. "That's fine I guess." _Why do you always go along with everything? Act like you don't care. Just go with whatever. _"Whatever."

He looks over at Tyler and Ming and from far away you can see a pair of green eyes glancing hopefully over at us wishing he was six years old. Kenny sighs. "Just shake your head a couple times."

"What?"

"Shake your head, pretend you're shutting me down." He says lookign at me and putting his back to Tyler and Ming.

I shake my head a little. Kenny smiles. "Now that was pathetic," He says.

I sigh and shake my head completely overdoing it. He laughs, at first I panic because I must look so stupid. Then I feel myself smile a little. I'm taking this to seriously. I smile a little looking down crossing my arms. "So..." Kenny says making a hand gesture that has nothing to do with anything. "The, uh, hamburgers today were good."

I shake my head again. "They were good," I say.

He laughs. "Thank you for playing along," He said. It's always more believable when you see it happening than when some stupid kid comes over and tells you what went down."

I shrug. "No problem," I say quietly.

He smiles and turns around and walks over to the two boys. He shrugs and shakes his head. I see Tyler's shoulders sag. It's so sad to see his hopes just break but Kenny goes over and talks to him. You see him perk up a little and smile. I start over. "Really?" He says brightly.

"Of course, man," He says. "Mere is going to be out on a date so I'll need all the help I can get. Ming eats like a horse."

Ming smiles up at us and Kenny looks over at me. He nods and I smile a little. "Come on," I say looking over at Cameron and Natalie. "They're doing cannonballs."

"Cannonballs!" Kenny says loudly. "Are you kidding? We're making tissue flowers... man, I wish I was doing cannonballs like you dude."

Tyler shrugs. "Cannonballs are pretty cool," He says.

"I'll see you guys later, come on Ming, lets get there to make some tulips..." Ming whines and walks ahead of Kenny.

"Bye," Tyler says to Kenny.

"See you," Kenny says. He looks over at me and smiles a little winking at me. I nod and turn walking with Tyler back to Dock 2 where Santana is cannon-balling into the water making a splash that seems big enough to make a ripple through the entire lake.


	4. Chapter 3: Relay Races

Chapter 3: Relay Races

I sat on our green log with red Christmas lights around the bottom. I was exhausted from staying up to late but I just stared at the unlit campifre across from me. The rocks were blackened on the inside and I watched the darkened pile of charcoal as they remained unmoving and unlit. I had talked ot Grace yesterday. They let them make one phone call a week now because they had problems with people not coming back because they were away from home too long without seeing or hearing from anyone.

"Hey!" She said brightly. "What's up?"

"Hi," I said. She told me all about camp. The people and mostly the boys. I listened to her in disbelief. Her boyfriend had just cheated on her less than a week before. I barely got a word in outside of "Yeah" or "Mmhmm" but by the time I did I paused. "You seem over... everything."

"What do you mean?" She said.

"I mean, everything that happened with Kenny," I had said. "I heard more about what happened, and I just don't see how you could move on so quickly..."

"Oh, shit," Grace said suddenly. "I only have one more minute, but I'll try calling you next week and I can explain everything. Please don't be mad at me for anything you heard."

"Okay," I said. Was this something she needed to explain to me? I thought it had been so simple. "Are you okay after everything?"

"Yeah," I heard her voice spike a little like it does when she's either lying or really out-of-her-mind excited. "I'm fine, Mands, don't worry. Just have fun doing whatever you do at that camp. I'll call you next week, okay?"

"Uh, yeah, sure," I said. "I'll try."

"Next week you better tell me about everything at the camp, okay," She said. "I heard there were a ton of hot Seniors working there. Anyways my time's up but I'll call you next week for sure."

"Yeah," I said. "Bye,"

"I miss you so much. All the girls here are crazy."

"I miss you too," I said.

"Bye,"

"Bye,"

Click.

* * *

I had lunch duty Wednesday's and Friday's. This meant I walked up and down the rows of picnic tables and made sure the food was bring eaten and not thrown, shoved anywhere, on the ground, in someone's nose or being mixed into a mountain of what looked like vomit. I walked by the seven and eight-year-olds and they were just eating and giggling and talking about the most random stuff. The nine and ten year olds were better. They were talking about normal stuff. There was such a difference between the two groups of kids. But the five and six year olds were out of control.

The little asian Ming got up all of a sudden and was standing up as a kid leaned over the table to catch an apple that had been thrown to him. I walked over quickly, seeing Natalie doing the same thing. "Ming!" I looked over and saw Kenny all of a sudden out of nowhere. "What are picnic tables for?" He just looked at Ming and crossed his arms. I slowed but Natalie was B-lining for the game of catch with an apple.

I wanted to hate Kenny. I really did. Grace didn't seem _awful_ but I knew she could hide things. I knew it would have hurt a lot to know my boyfriend was cheating on me. Ming looked down at the table. "Zowwy Kenny..." He said.

"It's cool, dude," He said. "Just don't do it again. If you do you're going into isolation."

Ming's eyes widened in fear. "No Kenny, no!" He yelled.

"Then sit down and eat, you're going to be starving," He said. "What if we get lost on the nature trail? Everyone will be fine because they ate excpet for you."

Ming sat down and Kenny smiled at him. He gave Ming a thumbs up. Ming gave him one to match and Kenny kept walking. My shoulders sagged a little. This wasn't funny anymore. I thought Cameron or Awkward Kyle had lunch duty. This was ridiculous. Kenny was everywhere. I didn't hate him so much anymore, I was just annoyed now. He was impossible to avoid which was my plan for the rest of the week.

Five minutes before lunch was over Natalie and I and the two other guys doing lunch could sit down and eat. I ate keeping my head down because the four of us got the end of the table. Cameron was sitting across from me but Kenny and him talked the entire time. "That stuff was so good," Cameron said softly. "Where did you get it?"

"Ross," Kenny said. "It was pretty good, he ran out yesterday."

"Sucks," Cameron said. I never though Cameron would smoke weed, but I guess you don't have to be like Kenny to smoke sometimes. I got up to throw my plates away and the end of lunch bell rang. Natalie was behind me and we started walking over to our log. Cameron caught up to us. "Are you guys doing anything after the campfire thing on Friday?"

I look over at Natalie who smiles. She and the girls have been discussing her moving in on Cameron for the past two days. Her advances were simple. Batting her eyelashes and smiling and flipping her long straight hair. She is pretty and freshly broke up with her last boyfriend of six months. "I'm not doing anything," She says.

"What about you, Amanda?" Cameron says nodding looking at me.

"Um, nothing too, I guess," I say. I try not to wince. I can hear Grace in my head. _Don't say stuff like "Um" and "like" you sould like you have no idea what you're talking about. Nobody will listen to you. They'll be exhausted decoding everything you say and taking out the "Um"s and "like"s._

"Cool," He said. "After the marshmellow thing a few of us are meeting up at the inlet right over there to just hang out and stuff. Have some fun for once..."

"I'd love to," Natalie says. She looks at me. "Do you think you can come?"

I shrug. "Sure," I say. My parents don't usually care. They like when I go out on weekends as long as I'm with someone they know and they know Natalie's parents.

"Alright," Cameron smiles at me. "Cool." We make it over to our log and I sit down next to Natalie. Kenny walks by and Cameron waves at him. "Two more." He says.

Kenny smiles looking at us. "Sweet," He says. "See you Friday, ladies." He salutes us and Natalie laughs quietly. I look at Kenny and see him get over to his log and blow his whistle. His kids coming running at him and flock around him. He seems like the only person who can handle the five and six year olds. I sigh and look ahead at our kids coming over to us.

I wish there was a way to describe how much he annoys me.

* * *

At three out kids are lined up on the long dock- Dock 1. They are all in their bathing suits and watching the five and six year olds go. We're doing relay races. The blown-horn goes off and the second-fastest kids jump into the water. I look over and see Kenny's group. He was short a swimmer- the guys always are in charge of the racing stuff- and Ming jumps in swimming relatively slower than the other kids who are trying to gain in the race.

I see him smiling a little. He smiles like he's in on an inside joke. I cross my arms and bite at my nails watching as his jump in gaining slighlt over the slight lag Ming had brought. The other guy conselors are screaming with the kids but Kenny just watches standing and watching smiling a little to himself.

The last kids come up- the fastest. Ming comes up again and Kenny pats his back as George- the slow fat kid tips the dock a little getting up. Ming dives in. I knew what was going to happen. The pale tiny kid goes shooting across beating everyone easily. The guy conselors are astonished. Ming climbs up and Kenny is smiling high-fiving little Ming. The other kids yell and scream in victory.

My team came in last because Tyler was too slow. Nobody talked to him except for me. When everyone was having recreational time he sat next to me silently, his mouth a thin line.

I went to get him a juice-box because I felt bad. When I came back he was crying and talking to Kenny who looked at him softly and nodded as he talked I hung back. I knew I couldn't get to Tyler with a juice box. He just wanted Kenny.

* * *

I open the door of the counselor's cabin. "Hey, Amanda," I hear from behind me. I turn and see Natalie coming into the little lobby. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure," I say. Me and Natalie have talked more in the last three days than ever. We are all we have in this group and know each other pretty well from when we used to actually be friends.

"Um," She comes up twirling a piece of hair in her finger. "I heard from someone that Cameron might like you, and I was kind of wondering if you liked him back? I mean, I think I'm starting to like him, but if you do I'll give up and whatever. I was just wondering. You can totally trust me."

I shake me head. "No," I say. "I don't like him at all."

She pauses. "Really? You're not just saying that?" She said. "Because if you really like him I will be totally fine with it." She looks at me and waits. I shake me head. "He's not my type," I say.

She smiles a little. "Do you think I have a chance with him?" She asks.

I shrug. "I think so," I say. "You guys would be cute together." _Always tell a girl she'd look cute with the guys she likes even if you kind of like the guy, she'll go after him and blow it and then you'll have a better chance. If you don't care about the guy it's just nice to say anyways._

She smiles and blushes. "He's so cute," She says. "I'm hoping Friday will help."

I nod smiling. "Friday's going to be fun, I think," I said. "I heard about conselors doing this last year too." It didn't sound so fun actually, but it was uncool to say it sounded awful. They just got drunk and a few times people ended up skinny dipping. I wasn't into drinking or anything like that. I can't believe I even agreed to go.

"I know," She said. She made a squeaking sound perking up bringing her shoulders up. "I'm so excited." Then she looks at me pointing. "we should ride there together. I could pick you up, I'm so scared of showing up alone or too early."

"Sure," I say. "That sounds fine."

"Do you still live on Peterson?" She asks. I nod. "Perfect," She said. "I'll ask Cameron about the time and I'll pick you up Friday."

I smile a little. "Sounds good." I say. A few girls come in with their stuff and chatter.

"I'll see you tomorrow I guess," I say touching my ponytail.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow." She waved. I turned and walked out to my car. It was blocked in by a trashy Jeep. I had to be home for dinner with my parents and I was already late as it was. I checked my phone.

"Amanda, are you waiting for a ride?" Cameron was walking up behind me with Kenny.

"No," I said. "I'm blocked in."

Kenny looked at it. "Oh, hold on," He started walking towards the counselor cabin. He knocked on the door and out came weird Meredith. She helped him run his group but she didn't speak to any of us in the cabin. She just changed and left without making eye contact or looking at anyone. Maria with frizzy hair mimics her a lot but I try not to pay any attention to her. I just let her storm out like she's pissed off.

She walks over. "Sorry," She says to me. "I had to clear up the equipment shed." She ran to her jeep and started it. It sounded like a wind up car and she went flying backwards just missing Kenny. I had more than enough room now. "Is this good?"

I nodded. "It's more than enough," I smile a little to be nice. "Thanks."

"No problem," She says. "Need a ride, Ken?"

He looks over at her. "Nope," He says. "I'm all set, thanks though."

"See you later tonight?"

"I'm staying in tonight," He said. "I'll order food if you want..."

"Chinese," She said. "And not the good kind, I need some cheap food. I'm not in the mood to shell out fifty bucks."

"Alright," He says.

Cameron looks at me. I didn't know where he came from. He was just a few footsteps away. "Hey," He said scratching behind his ear. "About Friday, I could give you a ride if you want..."

"Oh," I say. Kenny starts walking over as Weird Meredith's jeep speds away. "Um, Natalie is already giving me a ride."

"Oh," He says awkwardly. "Okay."

"I'm sorry," I say. I was shocked. A Boy just asked me out? I've seen this happen a million times to Grace by boys she barely knew. She gave them fake numbers and left agreeing with them but never seeing them again except for the rare few- like Kenny.

"It's okay," He says. He is taking the hit hard and Kenny makes a face looking around. He checks his phone. "Shit, I have to go, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah," I say. He starts walking over to his nice SUV. He gets in and starts it.

"Oof," Kenny says. I look at him he makes a face turning his back to where Cameron is. "That was painful."

I nod letting out a sigh of relief. "You're telling me." He laughs. He has a nice laugh. I see Cameron start his car and start driving.

"I'm sorry about that," Kenny says laughing a little. "He asked me if I liked you or Natalie better as people. I didn't know he was going to ask you out." He looks over at Cameron drives away. "Man, guys like Cam can't do anything on their own, huh?"

I shrug. "Natalie really likes him, so..." I say.

He shrugs. "I had no idea he was asking my preference on which girl to ask out," He says. "I'll keep that in mind when he comes to me again."

I nod. It's awkward all of a sudden. I unlock my car door and he looks at me. "Is something up?" He asks.

I shake my head. "No," I say.

He shrugs. "See you tomorrow," He says.

"Bye," I say softly. I get into my car and start it. He walks off a little before looking back at me and waving. I pretend I didn't see him. He always talks to me no matter what. When will he get the hint?


	5. Chapter 4: The Carnival

Chapter 4: The Carnival

The lake comes into view and it's a shiney dark space lingering in front of us. It's like the world cut away everything coarse in the world and all that's left is the gleaming top of the lake. I don't live to far from the inlet everyone's meeting at. They have a dock built into it so kids can go swimming in it in the summer that live near it, but you can't hear anything from within the little inlet.

Natalie's car is nice and white. It's small and energy-efficient and smells with the intoxicating stench of cherry blossoms. I listen to her commercial infested radio station as she goes on about Cameron. I pretend she's Grace and talk about boys with her that i've never really had. I just pretend I'm a character on one of the TV shows I watch and pretend I know what she's talking about. I nod and add in little bits and pieces I've learned from watching cheesy TV shows since I was old enough to know teen relationships were interesting.

Everything I say she answers with "I know!" which tells me she thinks I know what I'm talking about. Grace does the same thing and never asks me where I acquired such knowledge about boys and relationships and crushes. I sit back and listen to her go on about how she thinks Cameron and her might last. How she can see herself going to Prom with him. I don't want to sound mean, but I doubt they will last that long if they ever start something.

The campfire had been a success. We went through two jumbo bags of marshmellows and the kids had a ball, but Kenny basically ruled it. He told the best ghost stories that were actually scary and all the kids loved him. Tyler handed out marshmellows in his group and Ming ended up dropping three in the fire which caused the lead camp counsellor to flip out and ban him from roasting.

I looked over and saw Kenny passing all the marshmellows he roasted to Ming and the kids who were too scared toget too close to the fire. I had nobody to talk to. Olivia Orange told me I had germs because I hung out with Tyler Tic-tac too much. I missed Tyler because he was always there for me to hang out with when everyone else was hanging out.

We pulled up next to a couple of cars and Natalie hesitated seeing Pam with huge boobs sitting there talking to another senior counselor. She got out though with her bag and towel like everyone else had and was sitting down on around a fire. I saw Kenny sitting there talking to Cameron laughing at something hysterical. I bet he was jsut high.

"Hey," He said. "What's up?" He called to us. Natalie threw her bag down on the picnic table and went over. I followed her more slowly so I could talk to Kenny less. He struck up conversation over lunch today and was making it harder to hate him.

"Did I miss anything?" Natalie asked. Everyone was here I guessed. They were all drinking beers and smoking. I could smell it all.

"Nah," Kenny said. "We just missed you."

Cameron rolled his eyes. "Smooth," He said but Kenny just laughed and smiled up at everyone. Cam looked at us. "Do you guys want a beer?"

"I'll have one," Natalie said. She looked at me making a face for me to have one too.

"I will too," I said.

"Okay, two then," Cameron said.

"I'll come with you," Natalie said.

"Cool," Cam smiled at her. I shouldn't have misguessed Natalie. She was just like Grace. She would ditch me for the guy the first chance she got. It shouldn't bother me so much. I could go over and pretend to be in a conversation with Marie with frizzy hair. But no, she leaves me alone with Kenny.

"Hey," He says.

I look at him. "Hi," I say. I turn to start walking away. He probably won't even remember this. I walk over to Marie leaving Kenny alone.

* * *

Natalie is thin and tiny. After two beers she is a drink away from being drunk. There is a gleam in her eyes and she is friendly and doesn't care who you are. She says whatever she wants. She says everything, but Cameron doesn't mind. He smiles and says the right things back. I hear them a few feet off but I can't stop listening. She's sitting on the surface of the table top of the picnic table and he's standing there close to her. Her laughter rises up like hot air. Warm and light.

I look away and keep my eyes turned into the group where everyone is talking and laughing and sitting, but all I hear is Cameron and Natalie. I'm not scared for her, I just know she'll regret this. Then they hold hands. They start holding hands. I look over and see them. I walk over towards the lake. I see a few kids down on the dock. I sit down on the stone wall they cut into the hill leading down to the dock. I watch the black shapes dance and cause the water to ripple.

There is a scream as a fish grazes a girl and she jumps into a boy's arms. For a second I am jealous. I would have screamed and screamed alone. Nobody would have been there to catch me when I jumped. I never knew beer could do this to you. I never drank with anyone but Grace. One sip and I was done. This beer is different. It's cold. It's cool. It goes down easily.

I had two and I feel like everything is different for me than it is for Natalie. Someone brushes my elbow. I look over and it's Kenny. He looks forward and just watches the people in the lake. I inch away- he's too close. He looks over at me finally. "What?" I say softly.

"Do you not like me or something?" He asks.

I roll my eyes. I hear Grace's voice in my mind playing over everything I do all of a sudden. "I don't know, use your imagination." I say.

"What's your problem? I didn't do anything to you."

I push off of the ground. Rocks stick into my hand and sand but I'll brush it off when I walk away. I wonder who he cheated on Grace with. I doubt she was even pretty. I walk over to the picnic table where people I know are talking at. Natalie and Cameron are gone. I don't know where they are and I don't want to wonder. I want to stay here and leave soon.

Tonight is going to be a long night.

* * *

Kenny is gone for a few minutes with a few other kids. They come back and the girls all smile. A fresh beer enters all of their systems but I stop drinking. Natalie comes back and is smiling and happy. She is still holding Cameron's hand and when they detach for a second she tells me she thinks he's going to ask her to be his girlfriend by the end of the month.

I look over and see Kenny- his curls a mess. His silhouette is the only person I know now. I don't want much from him. I don't know these people around me who laugh and all decide to go swimming. I just try to blend in and be nothing but a silhouette among them.

* * *

I am drunk but Natalie is just starting off. She jumps into the water. She looks like a dolphin when she dives into the deep water. "Come on," She calls to me. I brought a change of clothes like Natalie did but I stand there on the edge in my bathing suit and my shirts. It's a hot night and everyone is wearing just a bikini top. I cross my arms. "No," I say. "Come on, Natalie, I think we should go soon."

She slips under the water. It looks like a black hole sucking her in. She comes up a shadow in the silver water. Cameron swims up behind her and her laughter rises up. I stand there. I go over to the edge and Marie is clinging to the side of the dock. "What's wrong?" She slurs. Marie was nice. I never saw her coming to this. I don't know why she's here but her friend who I don't talk to is. Her friend was at the party Kenny dumped Grace at when he cheated on her.

"Nothing," I say. I drop my arms and run my fingers through my hair. I take out the elastic and my hair falls out. I reach up bunching it into a ponytail. My hair curls too much to wear down. I'd look like Marie with frizzy hair if I did.

Arms move around my waist and suddenly there is no wood beneath my feet. I am flying. I am falling. The water is warmer than the air and feels as soft as the wind on my skin. I slip under. The pair of arms wraps tighter around my waist. I feel water slip inside of me. I mistake it for air. I am pulled out. The hands are warm. The hands cup my sides and pull me along and out. I can barely breathe. I am drowning. I am scared. Then the surface comes crashing down at me.

Air mixes with the water in a toxic interaction. I sputter coughing and rub my eyes. The hands stay at my hips and I rub water out of my eyes and gasp for air coughing still. "Are you okay?" The voice has a roll to it. A roll of laughter comes through the words. I turn around and he ducks away just so I only make out his familiar silhouette and his curls. I want to start crying. I feel my heart pounding and my breath not comign as quickly as I want it to.

I start for the ladder and it is further away. I slip free of the hands and start to climb up the ladder. It is tall and I cam barely climb it. I start walking up the dock quickly. Water falls off of me hitting the deck like a million different footsteps in sync with mine. I keep walking rubbing my eyes. "Amanda-"

A pair of two big feet and a million tiny footsteps in sync with them follow me. I make it to the path where dirt and sand and pine needles stick to my bare feet. "Amanda," He slips in front of me and stops me. "I'm sorry," He says. "Are you okay?"

I look at him. "Just leave me alone." I say. I start walking past him, but he puts his hands on my shoulders.

"Can you just please forgive me?" He asks. "I just want you to stop hating me..."

I shake my head. "I forgive you," I say and I step around him and go up. I get to the table with my bag on it and I get my towel and wrap myself with it. He is there all of a sudden.

"Look," He says. "I know you didn't mean it, but if you hate me because of Grace I just want to know."

I look at him. "Why else would I hate you?" I ask. The beer hasn't left my system. "You were an asshole to her." I'm loud and hysterical. Everyone looks over at us and I blush in the darkness. "How could you do that to her?" I say softer. "You were perfect for each other."

He stares at me. "What did she tell you?" He asks lowering his voice.

I shake my head. "I know what happened." I say.

"Then how are you mad at me? I didn't do anything wrong." He says. We're talking softer. I turn and start walking into the woods. He hangs back ofr a second before grabbing his stuff and following. "Can you just tell me what she said to you... I'm curious now."

I turn and shoot him a look. "I'm not telling you," I say. "Let me go."

"Where are you even going?" He asks. "Natalie drove you."

"I'm walking home," I say.

"I'm walking you then," He says.

"No," I say suddenly. "Don't."

"Why?"

"I don't need you to."

"Have you ever seen 'Friday the 13th'? I have to, Amanda! You'll get slaughtered. At least if I'm here I can run off if they kill you and live a life of pain and suffering searching for your killer." I take him seriously and start walking. "That was a joke."

I keep walking. "Did she tell you about Ben?" He asks.

I freeze. "What?" I turn.

He stops short and bumps into me. His skin is warm. "Ben," He says. "The guy she was sleeping with since we met."

I freeze. "What?" I say softer.

He is quiet. "She never told you either?"

"No." I shake my head. "That never happened. You're lying. What the hell?" I start walking but he reaches out and grabs my arms. He pulls me to face him.

"I'm not lying," He says. I stand there. His hands are warm. My skin is cold. Goosebumps crawl up my arms. I am cold.

"What happened?" I ask.

"Can I trust you not to tell everyone you know?" He asks.

"Yeah, I guess," I say. I feel more drunk than I did five minutes ago.

He is quiet. "I went to get her a drink and couldn't find her so I went and found her having sex with my friend Ben." It's simple. But it's unbelievable. I can't wrap my head around it.

"She's not like that, is she?" I don't know who he's talking about.

He is quiet. "I didn't know her either," He said.

"No," I say. "I know Grace, she would never do that."

"Shh, Amanda," His voice is calming. It is smooth. It makes me feel calm and smooth with it. "It's okay."

I am more upset than I think I am. I'm more drunk than I think I am. I am shivering. I am cold. My feet are cold. I feel rock digging into the soft side of my feet. I rub my eyes and look down. I shake my head. "She didn't tell me," I said.

"I figured," He said. I look at his silhouette.

"She told me everything though," I said. "I mean about you and her."

He pauses. "She never told me anything about you," He said. I knew everything about Kenny. I've realized that. She told me everything about him. I freeze. He's too close to me. I peel his hands off of me and step back a little running my fingers through my hair.

"I'm sorry," I said suddenly.

"For what?"

"For Grace," I said. "I thought you guys were perfect for each other."

"Me too," He said. "But you never know anyone."

I nod looking down. Grace was sleeping with someone. I didn't even know Grace had had sex before. I didn't even know she had been mea enough to cheat on Kenny. Kenny thought they were perfect for each other too. Maybe it was Grace I didn't know. I swallow and run my hands through my hair again.

"I'm sorry I pushed you in a lake," He said.

I look at him and feel myself smile. "It's okay," I say.

"Okay," He said. "Can you forgive me for real this time?" I look at his silhouette. He forgot about everything. I can't move past it all. Grace cheated on Kenny. Grace is someone I don't know. I don't know my best friend.

"I forgive you," I say quietly. I mean it. "I'm sorry I hated you."

"It's okay," He says. I hear a smile in his voice.

I am shaking, my shirt is cold in my hand. He can see me shake. "Here," He says. He hands me something. It is dry and warm. I hear a bag zip shut. I put my bag on the ground and feel out a shirt. I am shivering and I am drunk. I put the shirt on. I don't remember everything perfectly but the shirt is warm on my skin. I pick up my stuff.

"Where do you live anyways?" He asks.

"Peterson," I say softly. "Peterson Road."

"Oh, I know where that is." He says. "Come on."

* * *

I see his face for the first time in three hours since Natalie and I got to the inlet. His hair is wet and drying into the same tight curls that are always on his head. He smiles at me weakly. His eyes are white. He isn't high I don't think. I look at him. "Thank you for walking me home," I say.

"It's cool," He says smiling a little. He leans back agaisnt the fence in my yard. I look at my dark house.

"Bye." I say.

"I'll see you Monday," He says.

"Yeah," I say. I want to get inside. I'm suddenly scared of him. Terror strikes me in my stomach. I start walking up. My feet hurt from tripping and my toe is bleeding.

"Goodnight," He says.

I turn and wave and keep walking. He smiles and watches me. When I get up to my screen door I look back and disappear. I feel sick in the middle of the night and throw up. Not because of alcohol. I feel sick because everything is happening to fast. I just got off of the tilt-a-whirl and my stomach was never strong enough for rides like that. Even when I was a little girl.


	6. Chapter 5: Friendship Bracelets

Chapter 5: Friendship Bracelets

I walked over to the logs and saw most of the kids were there sitting around. I saw Natalie, who waved me over excitedly. I had hid in the counselor's cabin for a few minutes, but here I finally was. I walked around away from him, but he didn't even look up as I walked.

Everything was different now. I didn't hear from Grace and I didn't want to. How was she going to explain this? I smiled weakly as Natalie smiled brightly- her perfect white teeth shined compared to my weak, barely-pink lips. She and Cameron had hung out over the weekend and she said she would have him asking her out in no time. I just nodded ,smiling and saying how cute they had been on Friday.

My mind spun whenever I thought about Friday. If I couldn't stop thinking about how Grace had lied to me, then it was obvious. I couldn't stop thinking about Kenny either. He had just brushed it off. I had thought. I'd been over analizing everything he said to me this past week. Ben Raye. He was the boy. He was Kenny's best friend. I heard the tone of his voice when he told me. I didn't know what today was going to be like. I felt sick thinking of it every time I did.

How could I not?

I stood there next to Natalie and waited for more kids to come along. I cut a side look over to Kenny who was sitting down and smiling talking to all of his kids. Then there was Tyler and a few other little kids. I watched him. He smiled cheerfully and waved his hands around and the kids watched him with the same glowing eyes, as if he was the living reincarnation of Mickey Mouse or Elmo. They listened to every word he said and seemed to memorize his every move.

"What happened to you and Kenny Friday?" Natalie asked. "You guys just disappeared."

"Nothing," I said easily. It really was nothing- in terms of what she meant. She expected me to spill it all out saying that Kenny and I had made out or had sex or something. Something interesting. All we did was talk about Grace, really.

She rolled her eyes. "You can tell me," she said.

"Nothing happened," I said quickly. Then the horn sounded and Cameron came over to us smiling at Natalie. "Hey," He said.

The lead camp counselor had all the kids sit down and she talked like she did ever Monday. I stood next to Natalie and Cameron. I didn't know what it was going to be like now that they were "together" but everything seemed to be changing. Then I heard the lead camp counselor. I don't even know her name- nor have I ever. "Does anyone in a group of three counselors per group want to help out Kenneth today? Meredith appears to be under the weather."

My spine stiffened. She looked at us. "Any volunteers?" The key was not to move. Not to draw her attention.

Natalie's elbow drilled into my side quickly and sharply. I jumped and made a noise. "Amanda? Good, now that's settled..."

I shot Natalie a look. She smiled. "Nothing happened between you and Kenny, right? Nothing should be wrong with working with him, right?" My shoulders sagged a little and I gritted my teeth.

"I'm sorry," She said under her breath. She felt bad, a little, but it didn't last. She looked away from me and I turned looking over at Kenny who was shushing Ming beside me who was tugging his arm a little excitedly. "Zowwy Kenny..." I heard softly over the circle. I felt my throat tighten. I could wait until the meeting was over at least.

"Alright, that's it everyone! Have another great week!"

Everything was in motion all at once. Everyone was standing up. There was a sharp whistle sounding. "Amanda! Get over here! We have a busy day planned!" I looked over and saw Kenny standing there with a folded, crinkled piece of paper. He examined it. The kids were all assembled, waiting.

I sighed and walked over standing on the edge. "First, on the game plan," Kenny said. "Nature Trail, everyone into it."

Ming tugged on Kenny's arm. I looked at the tiny boy. Kenny leaned down as if Ming had pulled him down on his own. He nodded as Ming whispered into his ear. "Amanda takes Ming!" Kenny said. He folded up the paper. "Everyone set?"

All the kids shouted out variations of 'yes' as Ming came over standing next to me. Kenny looked over at me, making eye contact but not much else. I looked away, down at Ming ,who was standing next to me looking up for a second. I smiled a little and crossed my arms. "Anyone need to use the restroom?" Kenny asked. No hands went up. "Off we go, then."

* * *

It was easy for me. I just walked next to Ming, who stayed behaved. On the walk down of the nature trail- a sidewalk going abnormally flat up a hill- Ming looked up at me hopefully. He asked me to carry him down which I agreed to. It was like carrying nothing. I walked behind Kenny and a line of little kids who were all talking and giggling and small and tired by the end. He had kid after kid on his back on the way up and down. I only carried Ming the way down.

Next, during field recreation, Kenny organized kickball. Kids came over and sat around with me as we watched. They all eventually got up and played, leaving me alone. I watched, paying careful attention to Kenny. My mind was off. All I could picture was him and Grace by the first. They were so perfect. Grace ruined that. She ruined everything. I crossed my legs and sat there, watching him call a kid out who had taken a kickball to the head.

The only time I was nervous was when we were at Dock 3. I thought we had to teach swimming but the kids all dove in. He pulled his shirt off and went into the water for three minutes. I was uncomfortable. We hadn't exchanged any form of conversation the entire time. He had asked me how I was coming along. I had said fine. That was it. Nothing else.

I watched him tell the kids not to splash, kick, fight, cry, dive or go to the deep end. I pulled off my shirt and shorts and didn't know what to do. So I sat on the edge. Thirty seconds of those three minutes I had been sitting on the edge when he got out. He didn't dry off or anything- he had only been up to his waist.

He plopped down next to me. "Hey," He said, sticking his feet into the water. He was sitting close to me. Closer than Cameron had ever sat next to me when we had water recreation with the kids and Natalie was in the water with the kids. I looked over, smiling a little.

"Hi," I said quietly.

"What's up?" He asked. He leaned back onto his hands.

"Nothing," I said. I didn't need to bother asking him. He didn't give me time. He lifted his feet out of the water before dropping them back in. "So, okay," He said. "I'm willing to put behind any baggage whatsoever between us from Friday or whatever."

I looked over at him. "What baggage?"

"I probably screwed up your friendship with Grace," He said. He looked me right in the eyes saying this. I adverted my gaze quickly over at Ming, who was doing a cannonball into the pool. "And I'm so sorry if I did. I'd like to forget about everything right here and now."

I looked over at him. "It's fine," I said. "It's all forgotten." I smiled a little to reassure him and then I looked forward. He sat there shifting a little. I thought about his silhouette. Dark. A fine outline.

"You don't mean it," He said. "You still haven't forgiven me for shoving you into the lake, which I know was an asshole move... _but_ I'm going to try and fix all of this."

I looked at him. "I've forgiven and forgotten about Friday-"

He smiled. "Seriously," He said. "You're an awful liar, your ears are all red." He scratched his elbow and I looked down. It caught me offguard- what he just said. "I'm hoping someday you'll forget the fact I pushed you into the lake and screwed up your friendship with Grace- but until then I'm hoping we can set it aside and you can be bitter until you say: 'Hey, you know what? Who gives a shit!' but until then..." He held his hand out for a shake. "Hi, I'm Kenneth but most people call me Kenny or take the liberty to call me Ken."

I looked over and saw his hand. His finely freckled arm was extended out to me. I swallowed and took it weakly. He squeezed it and my arm surged with some sort of feeling. He shook it for me and at last our eyes met. I forced my eyes away as a girly laugh rose up like a helium Birthday balloon.

"And your name is?" He asked.

I looked at him ,confused. He smiled a little. "My name's Amanda," he said in a high-pitched voice. I smiled a little because his voice registerd higher than any tone one could possibly speak in normally . "So, Amanda," his voice dropping ten octaves. "What school do you, uh, you know, go to?"

I look edforward. "Bond High School," I said. "What about you?" I was smiling for some reason. I really didn't have a reason to hate him anymore. I hated that.

"I go to the liberal arts school," he replied. "But, that's cool, public school... so do you study, you know, public stuff?"

I shook my head, looking over at him. "We learn normal stuff." I said.

He leaned back. "How did you become a couselor here?" He asked, changing direction rapidly.

"I came here from when I was four until I was eleven." I explained. "I know everyone who runs it so I just showed up and filled out an application and got a job." I shrugged. "Pretty simple."

"See, I had to undergo extensive background check and, like, meet with everyone, which wasn't fair because of shoo-ins like you." He said,grinning. "You guys make it so much harder for us Space Campers to get jobs here."

I looked over at him shortly. "Yes, I went to Space Camp," he said. "It was more like day-care except we painted alien masks and shit. And I played house a lot with the kids."

"Oh," I said. "Uh, cool." _When someone says something dorky-_ I turned, wincing as Grace's voice fills my head. I ignored her, and felt a relapse coming on. I was useless socially without her. I could practically feel the shakes coming on, the stuttering, and the awkward silences.

He looked forward at the kids. He sighed getting out his whistle blowing hard on it. "Ming!" He shouted. "Get over here! Isolation!"

The little boy was poised on another boy's back. He looked over and slid off into the water. In under three seconds I saw his pointed shoulder-blades poke out of the wayer like shark fins and he popped out. "But Kenny..." He started.

"Shh," Kenny saed. "Get up here. I don't want to hear it."

"I'm zowwy," Little Ming said, treading water before he swam to the ladder and got his colored fish he approached us, at long last sitting down. Kenny had moved away from me to make room for the boy. He sat down between us and pouted.

"You okay, man?" Ken asked, looking at him.

Ming leaned into my side and turned his head away from Kenny. I lifted my arm up as he continued to drill into my side. He turned his shoulders away from Kenny, wheras I look over at the other boy. He was laughing a little. "Subtle," He said leaning into the little boy.

I looked down at him. He was sitting there staring down into the water. The dock tipped a little, like a boat in the ocean. The kids all laughed across the small water recreational area. I looked over; all I saw was Kenny. He was unaware of me but I was opening staring at him. I saw his silhouette.

* * *

I was on kitchen duty with Kenny. He walked along the rows so I followed. He was eating macaroni and cheese as I walked the lines, smiling as kids smiled back. Their faces were slathered with cheese. For once their smiles resembled the smiley faces I'd drawn all my life. Yellow circles with defined facial features. My stomach growls but I ignored it. I cwuld eat my arm if I could, but that'd be unsanitary.

It'd been ten hours, but when I looked up, there were only five minutes left. I walked over, seeing Kenny helping himself to more. "Oh," he said. "Looks like there's a dilenma." I was surprised when he turned to fave me. It was like he'd sensed me coming along.

"What?" I said.

"Problem:" He repeated. "Only one bowl of macaroni and cheese. Two of us. And two salads. Rocks, paper, scissors." He said this so quickly, I couldn't keep up.

"I'll have salad-"

"Nope," He cut me off. "I don't accept surrender." He had his hand in a fist, resting in his palm. "Ready?"

"Kenny-"

"One..."

I sighed and make a fist. He smiled a little.

"Two-three."

Me: scissors. Him: paper.

"Two out of three," He said again. "One-two-three."

Me: paper. Him: rock.

"Ah," He murmured. "You're a wizard." He stepped back and ushered me to the overflowing bowl of macaroni and cheese. "I already had some anyways, so don't get cocky, I would have surrendered it to you."

I stared at him. I was lost but I nodded anyway. "Thanks... I guess," I said softly. He turned, taking the two salads while I took the bowl gingerly. I glanced down at it, shaking my head before I turned and walked to the counselor table. I sat on the end.

Naturally he sat across from me. He ate the salad quickly, with ease. I looked up to watch him. Anything to avoid the footsy game taking place beside me between Natalie and Cameron. I looked over just when an elbow flew into my lower rib. When I turned back, his plastic spork is in my macaroni.

"Hey-" I said.

The spork was out, back in his mouth instantly. "What?" He said with innocence.

"You just-"

"I what?" He raised an eyebrow. "I've just been eating my nice healthy salad." He looked down then, taking a deliberate bite of greens and an olive. He was smiling, so he knew I knew even though he was denying it... I sighed and dropped my gaze into my bowl. I took another bite. The macaroni was hot, perfect in my mouth. The Camp Macaroni and Cheese was to die for.

He finished his salads in three seconds, then resigned to sit there watching me eat. "I hate myself for sucking at rock, paper, scissors." He moaned absently. "That stuff is fucking amazing."  
I grinned deviously, taking a nice slow bite.

He closed his eyes and smiled. "I'm ignoring you." He said. "Stop, please."

I only smiled wider, looking down. He leaned his chin down onto his arms, on the table. He was actually really cute, I thought to myself. He looked like a little kid. Restless, with wide eyes. Maybe that was why all of the kids loved him: he reminded them of themselves. I learnd that he was loved by everyone. I spend all day with him and the kids. Nobody disobeyed his lack of rules, and everyone got along.

I saw Tyler out of the corner of my eye. His own green eyes were on Kenny and I as we walked the kids from the bathroom to the shade to play Kenny's version of Mayan Lava pit. I couldnt see how I could have been strong enough to hate him at all. He was the least hateable person I'd ever met. He sat there as the kids ran around and I still don't know how it happened, but the fastest hour of my life passed. And I spent it talking to him.

* * *

**_Edited by: lostsoul512_**


	7. Interlude I

Interlude I

I pulled a shirt over my head and rolled my shoulders after. I looked over at Patrick beside me who was looking over. "Hey, Ken," He said. I turned and saw Kenny. He waved at Patrick and said hi. I didn't get it. I didn't understand why everyone liked him. I liked him. Of course I liked him, he was a good guy, but everyone else did for some reason too. He walked over getting his plastic bag and gave a few guys a high five and talked ot the other guys who were Seniors too. I got my bag together and started walking out. I waited out back for him to come out.

When he did he nodded. "Hey, man," He said. "What's up?"

"Nothing," I said. "You?"

"I'm cool," He said. We started walking over to the cars. I was parked in the back of the lot so nobody would see anything. I felt the rush. I didn't think this was such a big deal, I mean Kenny wasn't a dealer, but it still gave me some sort of rush to do this. "So you and Natalie are a thing now?"

I shrugged. "I guess," I said. "Not really, I don't really want that much of a commitment. I don't think she does either. We're just hooking up for now." I had gone on about Natalie to the other guys. I mean I didn't like her that much. I obviously liked her a little but it wasn't like I was going to ask her to marry me or anything.

"Huh," He said. "So you gave up on Amanda I'm assuming."

I looked away. I was trying not to think about that. "Yeah," I said. Kenny wasn't trying to be a bastard by bringing it up. He didn't seem like he was, but I guess he was just keeping the converation going. I looked over at him. "I heard you and Amanda had a thing on Friday." I didn't know if I believed it but they were actually talking today. She even fucking volenteered to help him with his group. I knew that's what Natalie would do at least but I was already stuck with her.

"No," He said. "I just needed to ask her something."

"You planning to get back at Grace?" I asked looking at him quickly.

He looked at me raising his eyebrows. "No," He said. "I wouldn't use Amanda like that ever. That's a dickhead move." He looked away saying that. I instantly regretted saying that. I wanted him to like me. I wouldn't ever do that either but that's just what the other guys were saying in the morning. We got to my car and he fished a little bag out of his plastic bag of clothes. I handed him the money I had waiting in my hand. "Thanks," I said.

I felt the rush. I didn't want to get arrested and shit for this, but it was cool to know I was doing something like this. I tucked the bag into my pocket and Ken just held the money looking at it. He didn't count it. He looked up at me. "No problem," He said.

"Is Amanda going to help you out tomorrow too?" I asked.

He thought about it. "I don't know," He said his eyebrows going down. "I think Meredith might stay with her friend for an extra day or something, but she said she'd help me again if Meredith wasn't here." He smiled nodding at me. "Want her back or something?" He laughed a little to himself.

I smiled a little shaking my head. "Nah," I said. "I've got Natalie, I guess."

He held his hand out for a handshake. "Leave the girls for the rest of us, tiger," He said. I shook his hand. We always did this. I don't know why. I guessed he did it like it was a tradition but it made it feel more like a drug deal than it had before. He was just giving me a little weed. I don't even think he does this with anyone else. He might, but we haven't talked about this like that before.

"I'll leave Amanda for you," I said.

He smiled laughing. "Cool, man, that works for me." He turned and started walking. "See you tomorrow." I got into my car tossing my bag into the bag and saw him keep walking. He walked off passed the couselor's cabin I saw as I drive the length of the mostly empty lot. He always did that. And he kept walking. He walked into the woods and disappeared. Nobody knew where the fuck he always went but he always went there.

I shook my head. I didn't get that guy at all. That's probably what made people instantly like him. He was so fucking out there we all wanted to get a little grasp of what he was like. But I didn't even fucking know. I took out my phone and saw a text from Natalie. I sighed and put my phone on the seat next to me and drove home.

I needed a break from her for a few hours.


	8. Chapter 6: Cat's Cradle

Chapter 6: Cat's Cradle

"Yesterday wasn't fair," Tyler said sitting next to me the next morning. I looked over at him- my eyebrows going down.

"Why?" I asked. I knew why. This was about Kenny. Everything with Tyler like this was about Kenny. It had to be. And to be honest, I figured Tyler would say something like that to me. Something about Kenny and I working together. But I played dumb, because it was too early to make those connections the moment those words left Tyler's mouth.

"You got to hang out with Kenny all day." He said tightly. "I was stuck with those guys." His mouth was a thin line and he stared at me.

"I'm sorry," I said moving my hand over my burning shoulders. "Next time I help him you'll come with me." I couldn't believe I was saying that but Kenny talked me into being Meredith's substitute. He even told the head camp counselor that if Meredith wasn't here I would fill in. I never really noticed Meredith to be honest. She was just quiet and went into the cabin and out and didn't pay attention to any of us. She just walked in and out and sat there next to Kenny when they weren't on lunch duty and ate some sort of leafy salad she brought in a plastic container.

"You better," He said. "Natalie made me play that _stu_pid lava game."

"No she didn't!" I said jokingly.

He sighed nodding. I was about to say something else but I caught myself smiling a little, unable to play along. I was saved by who else but the key to this entire conversation. "Hey Ty," We both looked up and he was walking by. "Hey Amanda." He smiled at us both.

"Hey," Tyler said. "Kenny can I come help you when Amanda does?"

Kenny stopped. "I don't know, do you think you could handle it?" He asked.

Tyler nodded. "Yeah," He was getting excited. But Kenny looked over at the head camp counselor who was walking over. "I can't do it every time," Kenny said. "So how about every Friday Amanda helps me?" I saw Tyler's shoulders sink a little.

"That's a good deal," I said. I don't know why but I didn't want Tyler to help us. I didn't see Meredith anywhere and for some reason I hoped maybe I would be helping him. I didn't like hanging out with Natalie since her and Cameron got together.

Tyler shrugged. "Okay," He said in a low voice. "I guess."

Kenny had his whistle in his hand and started looping it on his fingers doing Cat's Cradle. He looked at me. "Meredith isn't going to be here I don't think," He said. "She wasn't around when I woke up this morning so I think she's skipping today too. You still want to help?"

I shrugged. I didn't want to look too excited. _Be cool when a guy asks you to hang out. If you make a huge deal-_ "Sure," I said. I looked over at Tyler who was sighing leaning onto his arm. "I'm sorry-"

Kenny leaned down and cupped his hand so I couldn't hear what he was going to say. Instantly Tyler leaned in looking at me and listened. I couldn't make out what Kenny said but I smiled. And Tyler gave him a look and then looked at me. "No..." He said softly looking at Kenny. But Kenny motioned for him to lean in again.

I sat there watching. I sighed and looked over at Kenny's kids who were all running around and laughing. I liked the little kids. They were all adorable and liked each other. Nobody like Tyler really, so I was always stuck with him. But I didn't mind him. He was the only one that wasn't annoying.

"Alright, Manders," Kenny said holding his hand down for me. "No being lazy today."

I gave him a look. "When was I lazy yesterday?" I asked.

"Did I say you were?" He said. He reached down getting my hand and pulling me up without even waiting for me to reach up and take his hand on my own. He pulled me up to my feet. His hands were warm. They were different. I hadn't held a boy's hand since middle school when Grace made me hold Jared Keeler's hand at the movies. He let go and put a hand on my shoulder pushing me in the direction of his little pink log. "Just remember not to slack, I keep a tight schedule. Swimming first, then kickball and then..." He went through the schedule for me and I listened feeling his hand on my shoulder.

* * *

Last year I liked a lifeguard named Ross. I didn't really but Grace said I did so I did a little, I guess. We bought a black bikini for me to wear when we went to the pool and she used to tell me Ross would check me out. But now I felt uncomfortable. I always did when I wore it. I slipped into the water and started wading out.

The water was freezing cold and I was careful not to go too deep. Then out of nowhere a pair of arms went around my legs and I was pulled down. The kids were all in a line at the dock and when I went under I reached out for who had pulled me under. I knew who but he swam away and came up a few feet off. I blushed a little because my bathing suit had fallen off a little.

I came up fixing it and Kenny had gone right into the lesson. The little kids giggled when I came over but Kenny ignored me. He ignored me throughout the entire swimming lesson until the end when everyone was drying off. He got out and handed me the last dry towel because there were two of us and one towel. "I couldn't help myself," He said smiling.

I rolled my eyes like I was annoyed with him but I didn't have a near death experience this time and I couldn't be mad at him. "Thanks," I said. I dried off enough and handed the towel back to him which he used normally. I got back into my shirt and shorts but he was still wet and he came up behind me getting me all wet from behind.

"Stop," I said. I reached back but he was laughing. I smiled too.

* * *

"Lombardi," He said.

"Italian right?" I said sitting back.

"Yep," He said. "I don't look Italian, but that's just because I have Irish hips and thighs." I looked over at himand he smiled. That was a joke so I laughed a little looking at the kids who didn't want to play kickball and just wanted to play on the playground instead. So we let them, even though Kenny said he really wanted to get a good game of kickball going. "Your last name's Kelly, right?"

I nodded. "How did you know?"

"Extensive background check," He said in a flat voice. He's done that to me three times. Once when he said I liked pizza. The second time when he said I preferred Papa Gino's over Dominos. I knew that it was all from Grace. I figured that's all he knew about me. My last name and pizza preferences. I was embarrassed by all I knew about him so I asked him a lot of questions to things I already knew. I didn't know his last name though.

The lunch bell rang and the kids all stopped looked over at the covered maze of picnic tables and started over without us. I got up and he reached up form e to help him. I did. His hand felt so weird. He stood up and we started walking. I didn't know if I was supposed to wait for him but he matched my pace and shoved his hands into his pockets.

Neither of us had lunch duty but suddenly out of nowhere Meredith was walking towards us. "Ken!" She said. "What the heck? You didn't wake me up today?" I didn't know what to make of that. They lived together? He never mentioned her unless telling me about how she wasn't here. I looked over and saw Natalie who waved at me. I started over and Kenny split off of me going over to Meredith. I looked over at them. I didn't think they were together or anything. But I don't know why he would have to wake her up.

"Hey," Natalie said smiling.

"Hi," I said.

"You back with us?" She asked nudging me smiling. She gave me a look. I knew the look. Grace used to give it to me when I denied liking a boy.

I sighed. "Yep," I said. She smiled and looked ahead. I didn't want to jump to conclusions. I'll let her think something is going on between me and Kenny. There's no way that would ever happen. In the back of my mind I remembered Grace. She was a liar but she was still my best friend. I could be friends with Kenny though right?

Natalie looked over. "So," She said. "You and Ken?"

"No," I said looking at her. She wasn't going to say nothing. "I couldn't do that to Grace."

She looked at me a little confused. Then she nodded. Everyone forgot everything so easily in this town. The attention span of everything lasted only a few minutes. Everyone forgot Kenny and Grace had even been together. I couldn't stop thinking about that. Grace really blew it with Kenny, he was so sweet. He really was a good guy. He wasn't some stoner. He sat down next to me at lunch. I pretended I didn't notice his hand slip over taking potato chips off of my plate.

There was really nothing wrong with him.

* * *

My phone rang. The caller ID was of some number I didn't know the name of. I stared at it and then knew instantly. I stared down at it. Do I answer? I didn't want to. I didn't know what to say to her. I couldn't believe she lied to me. But what if Kenny lied to me? I was frozen. My jaw was clenched. I stared at those numbers swallowing hard.

This was it. I could answer and hear her side. I probably already had. I could have. She had said that Kenny dumped her for no reason. She was my friend nonetheless. I needed to hear what she had to say. But I remembered Kenny. Kenny who I've talked to for three days now. He's made me feel like I've known him forever. Was this just him trying to get back?

My mind raced a mile a minute. I picked up the phone on the fifth ring. "Hello?"

All I got was dial-tone. I felt relief, like I had done that on purpose. I stared at those numbers again. They were under the word 'Unknown' so I didn't even know if it was Grace. But it was Wednesday night. The time she called me last. She would call again if the story was a big deal. But the phone didn't ring. It was dead in my hand. I swallowed and put it down. I heard the ping on my computer.

An instant message from Natalie. "Party Fri w/pepul frm lst wek?"

I looked at the message and sighed. I thought about it. Did I want to go through all of that again? I didn't like partying. I'd have to go with Grace and see her get drunk and with Cameron. That was what made me want to stop. Kenny had told me to come on Friday this afternoon when I ran into him when I walked out to my car.

He said he'd push me in the lake again if I didn't go.

"Sure" I typed back to her.


	9. Chapter 7: Summer Hair

Chapter 7: Summer Hair

_She sat down next to me and I looked up at her. I leaned back against the wall and stared at the water. I didn't look at her. She didn't say anything either. I brought the joint to my lips and inhaled. I felt nauseus smoking in front of her but my day was already shitty. I exhaled and looked at her pale legs in the moonlight. She pulled them up against her chest. I moved my eyes out to the water and swallowed. The water looked like mercury. It gleamed. I wanted to slip inside of it. "The lake is always so nice when it's dark out." I said. _

_"Yeah," She said quietly. _

_I took another hit. My head start to numb. I felt comfortable and sank back into the sand. "Why?" I asked my eyebrows going down. "I don't get why though."_

_She didn't answer. She just hugged her knees to her chest. I took another hit looking at the joint growing shorter and shorter in my hand. The air was sweet. I sighed- exhaling the warm smoke. She sat there next to me. Her face tipped over watching me. I wanted to throw up. I dropped my head back so it hit the wall hard. It didn't hurt enough._

_I looked over at her. "What do you want to talk about?" _

* * *

The moment I drove up I saw Cameron and Natalie already glued to one another. They were on the picnic table. Natalie sitting on the edge and the Cameron standing in front of her and they were kissing and in their own little world. Everyone was saying how perfect they were the past two days. They said Cameron was basically wrapped around Natalie's finger. She always got so happy talking about Cameron. I didn't really know what to make of whatever they were but as long as they both were happy...

All the girls who had had a good time last time were here. They weren't drinking yet which surprised me but I saw Patrick So-and-so's car pull up. He always had beer I guess. He backed in and everyone started moving towards his minivan in search of something to drink. I didn't want to drink tonight but if everyone else was I was only going to have one.

I looked around not seeing Kenny. I knew he was probably out in the woods smoking somewhere. That's what Natalie had said to the other girls about last Friday. But when some guys came back from the woods he wasn't with them. I looked for him but he didn't seem to be here. He had told me to be here tonight the last time I saw him. He had been smiling and waving from at least twenty yards off to me which I guessed was a sign he was actually going to be here. I mean, he wasn't going to just ditch the last minute right? It was his idea to have everyone meet up on Friday's and do this.

The beer was cool and I drank one and then Natalie detached from Cameron long enough to make a rum and coke and come over to some of the girls and start up conversation. Then she was gone disappearing in the woods with Cameron which I expected from her to be honest. Grace always did the same thing.

I listened to the mindless girl conversations.

"Cam is _so_ hot."

"Oh my god, I know, right?"

"Natalie is so lucky- I'm wicked jealous of her..."

"I miss staring at his six pack. That's all that got me through lifeguarding. He got pretty buff for wrestling, huh?"

"Now all we have to look at is Peter."

There was a round of disappointed groans and sighs.

"He's such an asshole. He grabbed my ass when we were doing the relay races last week!"

"Gross! Plus the fact he is like a complete pizza-face..."

"Janet, seriously? Pizza face? The last time anyone said that was the fifth grade."

"_Oh_, I'm s_o_rry, he has a fucking moutain on his forehead."

"More like a volcano."

Everyone laughs so I force a quick smile to make myself look half-interested by this coversation.

"Thom is alright, I think."

"Thom? I guess if you like skinny guys with huge heads..."

"I do actually,"

Everyone laughs.

"At least he gave up on the emo mullet."

"He could at least pull that off a little. Most guys can't."

"Have you ever _been _to Westfield Mall? _That's _where you go to see guys who can pull of the emo mullett."

"Oh my god, it's like emo-palooza there."

Everyone laughs.

"Then there's Roger."

"Gross!"

"I know."

"Kenny's not that bad."

"He was so hot today, he's starting to tan. Do you remember him last year on the fourth of July?"

"Oh my god, how could I forget..."

"Ah-mand-a..." Everyone looks at me. "Natalie said you and Kenny basically slobber over each other every time you're within three feet of each other..." It was a senior. The girl who basically rules all of us juniors. I blush a little shaking my head.

"Nope," I said. "It's not like that."

"Huh,"

"I think he likes you, he doesn't talk to any other girl but you." Marie with frizzy hair says.

I shake my head. "No," I smile. "We're just friends. I couldn't date him."

"Why?"

My eyebrows go down. "He went out with my best friend..." I said slowly.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot he, uh, dated Grace. Sorry then, I didn't mean to bring that up."

"It's fine."

"At least now he's fair game."

Everyone laughs.

* * *

_I pull up slamming my door. I lean onto the door and breath. I inhale and exhale making fog clouds on my window. I squeeze my keys feeling them dig into my hand. I grip them tighter knowing they won't greak skin but at the same time hoping they might. I push off slowly and look at the trees reflect in my window. I exhale one more time and lock the door. _

_I tug the keys out of the lock with little strength. My arm is tugged with it. I start walking letting my arms swing mindlessly beside me. I go into the back seat and get out a plastic bag and shove it into my pocket. I lock that door too. I always lock all of my doors. I go around locking each individual one. It calms me down a little. It distracts me. Onyl for a little while, but that's long enough for me. I head out over to the voices. I hear giggling and catch sight of a half naked girl sitting on a picnic table not too far off from everyone else. _

_The guy whose making out with her is obviously Cam. I sigh and walk by keeping my eyes forward. _Keep it classy, kids._ And keep walking. A couple guys greet me and all the girls look over. I just not shoving my hands into my pockets feeling the sharp edges of the plastic bag. I need. The guys all high-five me and I just high-five them back. They sometimes go in for the half-bro-half-hug thing I never got down right._

_I try my best and the guys dig it enough to let go and ask me what new. "Nothing," I say. I can taste the need inside of me. I'm not addicted. I barely smoke twice a week. I used to smoke every day but I only need to smoke a little. Times like this the wait is worth enough to make me consider checking into a rehab place, but you know, I'll wait until I feel like this all the time. _

_"Want something to drink?" _

_"Sure," I say. I take a beer and look over. I see the girls all talking and laughing. Then there's Amanda. She's standing there looking bored. She doesn't notice me. Her hair is down tonight. I stare at her before breaking off. I walk down a little path illuminated by the lake. I walk along the wall and pick up a rock. When I'm far enough I way I grip the rock. It's nice and heavy. I throw it as hard as I can. I want it to hit the ground hard andcrack open but I don't know. It hits the water and dives in. _

_I just know it won't come up._

* * *

Natalie came back over. Her laugh was high and floated to the moon like hot air. She was shining and gleaming. She reminded me so much of Grace. They were a lot alike. She comes over smiling and sits with the girls talking a little about how he said how much he liked her and has for a while. I shrunk back a little. I really don't know what I've made of the whole asking me to last Friday incident between me and Cameron but I'd never tell Natalie.

Cameron is Natalie's. Now that they are together it would be completely wrong for me to say that or anything Kenny has told me in the past two days. I sat there looking off and looking around for Kenny. I had seen him quickly. A flash of him and then all of a sudden he was gone. I tried to pay attention to what the girls were saying but I figured I was too out of it.

I was on my second beer. I felt floaty. I could go look for Kenny. Everyone was here. He wasn't with anyone I knew that. I didn't know that for sure but I was pretty sure. I slipped away and started walking. I walked down the little path to the lake because to go to the woods where everyone else did he would have had to cross in front of me. He had to have gone to the lake.

The sand sucked me in. It was cool on my bare feet but it felt good underneath me. I saw a glowing light from across the little inlet. I started for that. The lake water was so beautiful. I walked and looked at it liking the man-made beach of the lake. It was silver and beautiful. I looked up at the moon. It was full. I hadn't seen a moon that bright.

Then I saw him. He was sitting there agaisnt the wall. He had been the glowing light from across the lake. He didn't look at me. He was smoking. I felt a sinking feeling but I knew he was a stoner. He always was Kenny the stoner to me. He dealt drugs to people like Cameron. Obviously he smoked. But it was different seeing him smoke right in front of me.

We weren't best friends but we talked a lot. I hadn't helped him since Tuesday but we have talked a lot to be honest. We never mentioned Grace or anything like that. We just talked. And here he was smoking on the side of the lake. I paused before sitting down a foot away from him. He sat there and didn't look at me. The air was bittersweet. It tasted sour and sweet in my mouth.

I pulled my legs up to my chest and tucked my face into my knees. He inhaled and exhaled the smoke again and I didn't really know what to do. I should go. He wasn't going to say anything to me. He was frowning deeply. His eyes that always shined were glazed over. He just sat there motionless and smoking. The tip of the joint was shining illuminating his face. That's why I knew it was Kenny.

I saw his face.

"The lake is always so nice when it's dark out." He said suddenly. I looked over at him.

I didn't really know what to say. I nodded quietly. "Yeah," Was that okay? Grace never told me what to do now. I was finally looking for something she told me that may actually help me in this sitation. She never gave me a what to do if you're talking to a high person.

"Why?" He asked suddenly. "I don't get why though."

He was looking at the water. He took another inhale of the joint in his fingers. I watched him digging my boney knees into my cheek. I watched him carefully. His face slipepd into the darkness and all I saw was his silhouette. So defined and sharp in the dark. He exhaled and I watched carefully as he dropped his head back. Something was wrong. He was never like this. Maybe this was just him when he was high.

"What do you want to talk about?" He asked looking over at me.

I shrugged. "I don't know," I said.

He nodded. "Me neither," He said. He looked at me steadily. We said nothing and he just sat there looking at me and waiting for me to say something. Anything. I knew I could just spit out anything and it'd be fine with him at this point. I looked at him. His hair was surprisingly neat. His curls were smashed down and he had less chaos to him for now.

He looked so serene.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly. He took another hit of his joint.

"Sure," He said cynically. "I'm not dying too quickly."

I stared at him. I didn't know if I didn't like him when he was like this. I looked down at the sand burying my feet underneath it. I looked out at the water. I dug my fingernails into my ankles and all of a sudden he moved putting out his joint. I looked at him. He put it back into a bag that appeared out of nowhere and then pulled out a new one. I had never seen one up close.

"Want some?" He asked looking at me.

I shook my head quickly.

He looked at me. "Why?"

"I never smoked before," I said it was that simple. "I don't want to start."

"It's easy," He took out a lighter. He flicked on the light looking at it. "It's not that hard to learn."

I shook my head, "No thanks," I said quietly.

He looked over flicking on his lighter so I saw his face. "I could teach you," He said. "I'm not going to make fun of you... you can trust me with this." I looked at him quietly. The light went out and I looked into his silhouette. I looked at where his hands had last been. "Okay," I said softly. "I'll try..."

He flicked on his lighter as I said that. I don't think he heard me. I swallowed and looked at the joint in his hand. He was about to light it. Did I trust him? I knew he wasn't going to make fun of me. I knew it wouldn't be that awful. I swallowed and then all of a sudden I opened my mouth speaking louder. "Can I try it once?"

He stopped looking at me. "Of course," He passed the joint to me. I took it in my hand. It was light and I looked at it carefully. "Don't put the joint in your lips. Try this," He shifted. "Inhale and feel the air go into your lungs," He said.

I looked at him confused. "Just with normal air?"

"Yeah," He said. I did what he said. He took me step for step and then all of a sudden he was leaning close to me. Our eyers were inches apart. I looked at him nervously and in a second his eyes flickered up to me. He lit the joint in my lips and waited. "Now," He said softly in almost a whisper. I inhaled and felt the sweet and sour smoke move into my lungs. I coughed. I wanted to throw up. This was disgusting. I wanted it out of me. So I exhaled and coughed. He smiled a little. "How was it?"

I looked at him passing him the joint. "Not that bad," I said softly covering my mouth coughing slightly. I didn't want him to think I was a wimp.

"I told you to trust me," He said smiling a little. I watched as he inhaled and offered it back to me. I swallowed and took the joint and inhaled again. The light at the tip was yellow like sunshine.

* * *

_I was lying on her lap. My head was right there and we were talking about random shit. She smelled like cherries. I inhaled her smell. It gave me chills when she laughed. I wanted her to keep laughing. I loved the sound. I smiled looking up at her. "Your hair is so pretty when you wear it down." I said softly. "I want to paint it."_

_"You paint?" She asked smiling and her voice was sweet with laughter._

_"Of course," I said. "I always want to paint you. You are always perfect. I want to paint you so badly."_

_"You can," She said laughing._

_"It won't be weird?"_

_"No,"_

_"Good, because you're too beautiful not to paint."_

_"I'm not beautiful."_

_"Shh," I said smiling. "Don't invite me to your pity party."_

_"Okay," _

_"I think you're very pretty..."_

_"Thank you,"_

_"Especially with your hair down."_

_"Thank you," And she meant it. _

_"Now I know why Grace was always so jealous of you." _

_She laughed. "Grace was never jealous of me."_

_"You'd be surprised."_

_"You're lying."_

_"I'd never lie to you."_

_"Okay," She said._

_"You're perfect," _

_"I'm not."_

_"I know," _

_"Then why would you say that?"_

_"Because I believe you are,"_

_"You said you didn't a second ago."_

_"Shh," I said. "That was different."_

_She giggled. "I'm sorry."_

_"It's okay."_

_"You're really cute sometimes." She whispered._

_"I try,"_

_She laughed. I smiled when she laughed. Her fingers slipped into my hair and I got chills. We went on like this for a little while longer. She was so gorgeous tonight. Her smell, her laugh, her hair. I heard running and people passed above us. They laughed loudly and I shot up. "Who was that?" She looked up._

_"People," I said. "Shh."_

_I looked at her. And she was so close. She was inches from me. I wanted to kiss her. She was so perfect. She blinked and looked down. I watched her and she looked over at the water. "The water is so beautiful."_

_"I know," I said. _

_She was smiling now. I smiled too laughing a little. We started laughing. But I was in my head. To be honest, a joint and a half never gets me really high. I moved my hand over hers when I sat back next to her. I wanted to steal her scent. She smelled like cherries. Her hair was cascasding spinerettes. Her laugh was beautiful. "Why is the moon so full?" She asked._

_I looked up at the sky. I remembered what my mother used to tell me whenever I talked about the moon when I saw it from the backseat of our car. "Because it's following you." I whispered. "It's watching us."_

_She laughed her beautiful laugh. It sent chills down my spine. I smoothed my hand over my arm. I looked over at her. "You just gave me goose-bumps," I said softly. _

_She looked over at me. I couldn't see her face. She tightened the grip on her hand so my fingers slipped just slightly within her palm. Her hands were cool and soft. I closed my eyes and took in her smell. _

_Cherries._


	10. Chapter 8: Swing Sets

Chapter 8

I heard people start to come in. I took out my cell phone going through my contacts. That was always my nervous habit. I always took out my phone and pretended to be texting someone. I had nobody to text. I had hung out with Natalie this weekend but it wasn't the same. She didn't want to talk about Cameron. She didn't want to talk about herself. She wanted to talk about me.

"Hey, Amanda!" Marie with frizzy hair said. She came over and I turned tucking my cell phone into my pocket.

"Hey," I said.

She put her bag next to mine on the bench against the wall. "What's up?" She asked.

I shrugged smiling weakly. "Nothing," I said. She unzipped the duffle bag in front of her taking out her cell phone and seeing there was a text on it. She opened it and started answering it. "How was your weekend?"

"Good, what about yours?" She said slowly as she typed out a message.

"Fine," My voice shot up when I said that. I ran my fingers through my hair. I didn't have time to pull it back this morning. I had to wait until I saw Natalie to ask her for a hair elastic. I knew she would have one. She always did.

"That's good," Marie with frizzy hair said. I nodded and more girls came in. The first horn sounded which meant we gad to start wrapping up conversations because parents were going to start dropping their kids off. I saw a line of seniors roll in and the front door was blocked. The last thing I wanted was to be stuck in the cabin with all the girl counselors. The counselors cabin was big on the outside but it was split in half- boys and girls- and we barely had enough room.

I looked out the back screen door. I figured that was the safest route out. I wouldn't run into anyone who had been at the party on Friday- of which Natalie said I made quite a show at. She said it hadn't been that horrible. I just had hoped it would have all come back to me, but so far it was just a shattered series of memories that didn't come together too well.

The walk to the logs wasn't that far from the back and I didn't run into anyone. I felt shakey. I hoped secretly he wouldn't be here. He wouldn't be waiting by the logs but I knew I wasn't the first to walk over to the logs. There were other people but they were all seniors. Geeky seniors. Then there was Kenny. He was sitting there looking at his clipboard. Just as I was scared he would be.

I felt my stomach collapse when I saw him. I swallowed and walked over to our log. I sat down and the head camp couselor came over handing me the clipboard. "You guys have an easy day today," She said smiling a little. She plans out all of the days. I don't know when, but all the schedules are made up by her and somehow they all work out perfectly.

"Thank you," I said taking it. I looked at it. I kept my eyes on it. It was something to concentrate on. We had mostly recreational stuff. Lake, field and playground recreation- this was the day we all prayed for as counselors. But I wasn't in the mood to play Mayan Lava Pit with-

"Hey!"

I jumped. Turning around and not seeing anyone. I felt like I just had a heart attack. Someone just screamed into my ear and there was nobody to be found. I looked over and he was laughing sitting down next to me. "I couldn't help it..." He said sitting down normally. "You were so unsuspecting."

I felt out of breath. "What the hell?" Was all I got out. He was laughing.

"I'm sorry," He said calming down a little looking at me.

I looked down at my clipboard. "It's fine," I said. I was shaken. I wasn't shaking because he had scared me. He was five inches away from me watching me. His eyes were glued to me and watching my every move now.

"Did I find the right car when I drove you home?" He asked. His voice had a roll to it. He was laughing about Friday. I shuddered at the thought of it.

"Yeah," I said. "Surprisingly..."

"Why is it so surprising?" He laughed softly leaning in to nudge me.

I shrugged. I couldn't look at him. "I don't know," I said. "I was probably a mess."

"You weren't that bad..." He said. I looked up at him. He sensed the complete panic I was just overwhelmed with and he laughed a little. "I'm kidding, you were fine."

I kept looking at him. I had thought it through. There was no way something could have happened? But there were those patches I didn't remember. I chewed the inside of my lip. "I don't remember a lot of it," I said softly.

He smiled a little softer. "Nothing happened," He said.

"What do you mean?" I stared at him.

He shrugged looking forward. "I didn't rape you or anything," He said. "We just talked and I drove you home." I raised my eyebrows at the rape comment. He smiled a little. "I'm just clearing the air, Amanda, I know your not thinking that I raped you. I'm just being blunt." I shook my head looking down at my clipboard. He sat there. "So, uh, Meredith... she uh, passed out last night so I made her stay home. She scares the kids when she's hung over... so it looks like you're gonna' have to put that clipboard down."

My stomach rippled. I was nervous this would happen. I sighed. "I almost got an all recreation day," I said trying to act like I would have last week.

He smiled. "You won't be missing anything," He said. "I always have all recreation days, I was just going to save that for my bribing point if you said you couldn't ditch Nateron-"

"Nateron?"

He smiled. "All the hot couples have the name combination thing," He said. "It's all the rage in Hollywood."

I smiled a little. He pushed off of the log reaching his hand down for me. I looked at it and took it. He pulled me to my feet and my stomach filled with butterflies. I hated this. I didn't want to be near him. I thought of all the stupid things I could have done on Friday night. I never thought I'd ever do that. What was wrong with me?

"Look," He said. He held onto my hand. "You don't have to worry about anything that happened on Friday. If it makes you feel any better- I don't remember that much in the beginning." I looked at him.

I shrugged a shoulder forcing a quick smile. "It's fine," I pulled my hand away. He had been holding it too long. "I don't care. I was just nervous something happened..."

He squinted at me leaning back slightly. "Is this about me and Grace?" He asked.

"No," I said quietly. He waited a little longer for me to say something. The spotlight was on me. I never nervously talked in my life but the words came out quickly and in a jumbled mess. "I mean, if something happened I wouldn't feel like I was stabbing Grace in the back... I mean I would be I just... I didn't think-"

He smiled laughing softly. "You're acting so weird," He said softly.

I felt my cheeks burn. I was acting like an idiot. We were barely even friends. I wanted to kick myself. I ran my fingers through my hair. I needed to pull it back. I saw Natalie coming over. "Hey," She waved at me. "You helping Ken today?"

"Yes she is," Kenny said tucking his hands in his pockets. "Meredith was partying a little last night."

Natalie nodded smiling a little. She threw her blonde hair over her shoulder. I crossed my arms. "Do you have an elastic I can borrow?" I asked her.

She moved her hand to her wrist. "Oh, no," She said. "I forgot my elastics today..." She looked at her wrist. "Fuck, we're probably stuck with all of the swimming..."

Today was already awful. I nodded. "Whatever," I said running a hand through my hair again. "You have swimming first though..."

She groaned. "Today sucks..." She said looking at me. "I guess I'll see you at lunch."

"Yeah," I said. "See you later."

She smiled at Kenny and broke off. Kenny started walking scooping me along. He slipped his arm through mine like we were little kids. "Why do girls always need ot have their hair back?" He asked. I pulled my arm away from his.

"I don't know..."

"Your hair looks nice when it's down. You look a whole lot better than that girl Marie who wears her hair down all the time..."

I looked over at him. I smiled a little and we made it to his little pink log. I picked up his clipboard and looked at his schedule. It wasn't that bad. A whole lot of the kids playing instead of us controlling a lot of stuff. He sat down on the log and I stared at the back of his head. He was unsuspecting.

"Hey!" He said that loudly when I hit his head with the clipboard.

"That's for jumping up on me," I said sitting down next to him.

"Oh, really?" He said gripping the back of his head. "Now _I_ get to retaliate."

I shook my head. "I still have to retaliate for pushing me in the lake and almost drowning me three times after that." I said.

He shrugged. "So," He said. "I can still get you back for attacking me."

I smiled. "What are you going to do?" I said. "Push me in a lake?"

"That's already been done..." He said rolling his eyes. "I'm going to have to out-do myself with my next scheme."

I laughed softly and he raised his eyebrows smiling too. He rolled his eyes looking forward. The kids were starting to come from the drop off area. I looked over at Kenny. I chewed on the inside of my lip. What if something did happen? He said he didn't remember a lot either. I shuddered at the thought. If something did happen I didn't even remember my first time of it ever happening in my entire life.

Not only that it would have happened with my best friend's ex-boyfriend.

That made me the worst friend on top of it being something I'm always going to regret.

* * *

I was sitting on the swings. The kids were all running around and the last thing I had seen of Kenny was he had been yelling at Ming for putting a bucket on Sandy's head. I sat back and watched the kids. It was all I was supposed to do. I leaned my head against the chain of the swing and watched.

A pair of hands were suddenly behind me. I jumped and whipped my head around and I was going forward. I ended up with my back against his stomach. For a split second he was right there. Then he pushed me again. "What are you doing?"

"Pushing you... duh," He said and then he laughed quietly. "So Manders, what's new?"

"Nothing," I dug my feet into the ground so I stopped. I was against his stomach again. He looked down at me holding the chain links of the swing. He sighed. "Something's wrong..." He said.

"No there isn't," I said.

"I can feel it, Manders-"

"Stop calling me that-"

"You're depressed... again." He kept holding onto the swing and I was back against him. "Tell me what's wrong... I won't tell anyone... unless it's really funny and embarrassing and I just can't resist."

"Nothing's wrong," I said. "I just don't want to be pushed on the swing right now."

"You're secretly in love with Cameron?" He said loudly and acting surprised. "You never said anything to me about that! What the hell Amanda?" I looked up at him and he couldn't keep a straight face. He smiled and looked up. "Ming!" He said. I looked over and saw Ming climbing onto the cement tunnel. He instantly let go and slid to the ground. "Zowwy Kenny..."

I was uncomfortable, he was so close to me. He inched back a little but kept holding on. "If you want I can tell Cameron you're interested," He said. "He'd dump Natalie pronto for you."

I shook my head. "Natalie said he really likes her," I said defensively.

"Nope," Kenny said. "Come on, Manders, keep up with the times... ninety-nine percent of guys under the age of twenty-five are complete assholes. He's aiming to be the king of all assholes too. Shoot for the moon and settle for what you land on..."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I said looking up at him. "He's not just..."

"Yup," He said looking at me. "He went after you and settled with screwing over Natalie."

I felt awful for Natalie. All she talks about is Cameron. She says he's the greatest guy she's ever met. She really honest to god likes him and he's just screwing her over. I looked forward at the kids who were all running around. Behind me Kenny started to pull my swing back but I justdug my feet into the ground. They were hurting now from scraping the wood-chips.

"God," He said. "I'm always the bearer of bad news. I'm screwing up your life, aren't I?"

I looked back at him. "No..." I said.

He let go of the swing and sat down in the one beside me. His arms dangled down and he just watched the kids. He looked over at me. "I'm sorry I made you smoke with me," He said. He meant this. It wasn't some happy little sarcastic remark. He was looking me in the eyes saying this.

"It's fine," I said. "I was the one who agreed to it."

He shrugged. "I'm the corruptor," He put his hands up in surrender. "I'm initiated the whole shananigan." I smiled shaking my head looking away. He smiled a little too and started swinging. "You never smoked before?"

"No," I said. "I'm not really up to date on everything... or at least that's what Grace always said-" We bring up Grace sometimes. He doesn't like to talk about it and I don't like to think about what happened. But when her name is brought up we both pause and take a moment of silence.

"What does that mean?" He asked. I looked over at him. He was barely swinging now. Just dangling there looking over at me.

I looked down. "I just haven't..." I didn't want to say this. He kept waiting. His brown eyes were on me. Waiting to finish that thought. I shrugged a shoulder. "I just haven't _done_ a lot of stuff..." His eyebrows went down.

"So?"

I usually didn't get that response. Grace would have questioned me. _Like done what?_ Everything. _Like drinking?_ First time in the end of May. _Had sex? _No... _Oral? _No. _Hand? _No. _Made out? _Nope. _Kissed? _That was the question that killed me. Nope. _Drugs? _Just last Friday. _Had a boyfriend? _Seventh grade. _That doesn't count. _Then no. The list goes on and on.

I didn't say anything.

He started swinging. "To be perfectly honest," He said. "Everything everyone's so into is retarded. I just smoke weed because it gets me away from all of the shit with nothing else happening." I didn't answer him. I didn't even know what 'with nothing else happening' meant. "Don't worry about it. Nobody- with the exception of Grace- has done everything. I know I haven't- Ming! Dude, get over here."

I looked over and saw Ming dropping a rock onto the ground and start dragging his feet over to the swings. Kenny sat there and he gave the kid a look. "Dude, you can't _do _that..."

After five minutes Ming just came over and sat on the ground next to me. Kenny exchanged a look with me and went back to kid watching. "Amanda," Ming said. "Are you still mad at me too?"

"No," I said. "It's okay."

"I'm zowwy," He said to me.

I smiled. "It's okay,"

"I like you better than Kenny..."

"I heard that," Kenny said looking over. "I don't make the rules, buddy, I just have to make sure Sandy doesn't get his glasses crushed like last week."

"I'm zowwy Kenny..."


	11. Chapter 9: Sandy Shoes

Chapter 9: Sandy Shoes

I sit down on the edge of the dock and he takes his hook and starts pulling in the ropes and floaties that mark off where we're allowed to swim. "Tyler is so pissed off at you," He said smiling. "He told me you ditched him again for me and how unfair it is."

I laughed. "He's obsessed with you," I said. "He just goes on and on about how you do everything right and we do everything wrong." Kenny keeps pulling the floaters in and I watch him. I have my car keys in my hand but we ran into each other and started talking and somehow I ended up here. But I don't really mind. He laughs at what I just said."He's a pretty cool kid," He said. "Cameron thinks he's annoying but Ty was so rad. I used to talk to him all day. I feel bad for him- he's so shy. But you know what I think?" I look at him. He keeps pulling the rope in and doesn't even look at me.

"What?" I say smiling. I shift so I'm sitting on my hands and look up at him. Over the past week he's changed color slightly. He's tanned now. All the girls swoon about him in the cabin but I don't see much of a difference. He started putting on heavy duty sunscreen today so he smells like sunscreen. I always liked that smell.

"I think Tyler has a crush on you," He said. "He talks about you a ton to me." We make eye contact and both smile and laugh. I shake my head and look down at thw water. It's cool with my feet submerged in it. I pull my hands back and lean back onto them looking at the rope bunching in front of him. He gets a net and starts to scoop it up. He turns looking for the big green plastic bucket to put in but it's too far away.

"Here," I push myself to my feet and move the bucker closer to him. He sticks the rope in. He's splattered with lake water now but he keeps tugging the ropes into the bucket. I run my fingers through my hair. It didn't frizz up today and this girl Louise braided it. She usually braids Kenny's hair when she sits with us but today I let her braid my hair. She said I had the prettiest hair, to which Kenny replied: "I think so too." He said that smiling so I knew he was joking.

"Shouldn't the lifeguards be doing this?" I ask.

"Yeah," He said. "But they're too busy rubbing oil on each other right now." I smile shaking my head. He sighs and looks over at the next rope. He starts over there getting his hook and doing it all over again. I cross my arms and watch him.

"Am I going to be stuck with Natalie and Cameron tomorrow?" I ask. I sat next to them during lunch and it was as awkward as any lunch could get.

He looks over. "Nateron?" He asks. "Aren't you and Natalie friends?"

"We are," I said. I moved the bucket so it was next to him. "But she's different when she's around Cameron and they're always all over each other." I got the net to and handed it to him once he had all of the rope and floats bunched together.

"She's annoying?"

"No," I said. "She's just..."

"Annoying," He said smiling. "Meredith's probably going to be able to make it. They barely pay her anyways so she doesn't bother sometimes because they never notice if she's here. If you want you can join the group permanently..."

I pause. It doesn't seem like that bad of an idea. But I think of Meredith. The things he says about Meredith are always really weird. I just know they live with each other but he never mentions parents or anything so I don't think they're brother and sister. She's intimidating too because she's really pretty. She's older too I think. Pam with big boobs always says Meredith should be in college but I don't know anything about her. I like the kids in this group but then... "What about Tyler?" I say.

Kenny stops. "Oh," He said. "I completely forgot about him..."

I shrug. "Maybe I should stay then," I said. "He hates everyone in that group-"

"But you," Kenny said smiling leaning over to elbow me playfully. "He has a thing for you."

I roll my eyes and laugh. "Don't say that," I said. "That's so weird."

"Nah," He said. "Seven year olds having crushes on you is completely cool... just remember-"

"Shut up," I say laughing.

He laughs and scoops the rope and floats out of the water sticking them in the bucket. He finishes and puts the net and hook back where they were. "You always can though," He said. "Whenever it gets a little awkward over at Camp Nateron, you can always come hang out with me and Mere... the door's always open..." He picked up one of the buckets and starts down the dock. I pick up the next one and follow him. He goes up the stairs and I just follow. There isn't anyone around really. There are still a couple cars parked in the lot.

We go up to a little shack and he kicks the door open. There's room along the next wall. He puts his down and turns seeing me. "Oh, hey," He said. "You didn't have to-" I put my bucket down next to him.

"Whatever," I said. He pauses looking at me. The cabin's small and we're only a foot apart. I smile a little crossing my arms.

"Well, thank you," He said smiling. "Are you doing anything today?"

My stomach fills up with butterflies. Everything about this that was once comfortable is now extremely uncomfortable. "No," I say. "Not really..."

"Not really?" He said smiling. "Meaning..."

I shrug. "I don't know," I smile a little laughing nervously. I dig my nails into my elbow. I'm acting like and idiot. "Nothing, I guess."

He laughs a little. "Do you want to hang out?" He asks. I freeze. Do I? No. Not alone. Right? Wouldn't that be going against the biggest rule for having a best friend? Would this count for that? It had to. This wasn't a date, but then again Kenny and I were just friends. I barely knew him. We weren't doing anything major... Was Grace still my best friend? All this went though my mind in about three seconds.

"Sure,"

What was I doing? This was completely going against Grace's back. She did cheat on Kenny... but she still was upset when they broke up. She didn't tell me she cheated on him either... so was I allowed to do this? Was I allowed to hang out with her ex-boyfriend? Could I even consider Kenny my friend?

* * *

We went walking around the lake which is what a lot of people did when they hung out. We just walked and talked. My stomach had was shaking and full of butterflies the whole time. He was normal and talking normally. It wasn't even late. We were just walking around the area where they didn't have houses on top of us. I didn't even know what we were talking about.

Then suddenly he just walked up and sat down against a part of the stone wall that had come out of the woods. I walked up sitting down next to him. "It's so hot out," He complained.

I shrugged. "It's not that bad," I said.

We were sitting in the shade now and he pulled his legs up to his chest sinking back against the wall. He looked over at me. "You're kidding..." He said. "You like hot weather, huh?"

I shrugged. "It's not that bad," I said. I loved summer. It was my favorite time of the year.

He smiled. "You love it," He said. "I can tell."

I rolled my eyes. "What are you psychic?" I said smiling a little.

"Yeah," He said sinking deeper to the ground. "Basically..."

I laughed softly. He laughed a little too. I looked out at the water. It was calm and normal. "The lake always looks nicer at night," He said. I looked over at him. He sat up more and looked out at the water. I smiled a little. He had said that Friday I remembered. That was one of the last things I could remember properly. He looked over at me. "What?"

I shrugged. "Nothing," I said. "You said that Friday..."

"I know," He said. "You remember that part?"

"Yeah," I said smiling. "Why wouldn't I?"

He shrugged. "You said you didn't remember a lot," He said looking back out at the lake. We were quiet. I didn't say anything I pulled my legs up to my chest. He was quiet and looking at the lake. "You're cool to hang out with... you're the complete opposite of what I'd thought you'd be like." I looked over at him.

"What do you mean?"

He shrugged. "Grace said you were annoying," He said. "I mean, she didn't say it exactly but when she did talk about you she was always annoyed so I figured you guys would be a lot more alike, but you are so different." I just looked at him. He looked over at me. "I don't mean to talk about Grace... I'm completely over her now... but have to talked to her since I told you about... what happened?"

I shook my head. "I ignored her call," I said. "She was going to tell me what happened but she was probably going to lie to me again." He just looked at me. I waited for him to say something. I got more nervous now. Anything in my stomach that had settled was now in a frenzy. It was like an alarm was going off inside of me. My heart was racing. He leaned a little closer.


	12. Interlude II

Interlude II

I sank back onto the couch. I inhaled and it went down inside of me. I stared at the TV. I don't know why I bother with other TV channels, I like this channel that just plays stand-up comedy. I exhale slowly. A trail of smoke comes out of me and I sink back further into the couch. I'm bored. I should be going out tonight but I have to sit around and wait for the little prick to show up.

My phone rings and I roll my eyes lurching forward to pick it up. It's him. It has to be. I look at the caller ID. Nope. I was wrong. I flip my phone up and Press it to my ear. "Hey," I say. I sink back into the couch. The smell comes out like I'm ringing out a sponge as I lean. Sour and gross. This couch smells like piss but it's so fucking nice.

"Hi," She says brightly. "What's up?"

"Nothing," I say. I inhale again and exhale. I feel it hitting my system. "What about you?"

"They're getting so pissed at me," She said. "I keep sneaking off you call you..."

"Then don't call me," I say smiling a little. "You know you don't have to."

"But I miss you," She said. "I can't wait until I get home. I'm going to need to have a big welcome home from you." I inhale as she talks. Her voice is breaking through nice and clearly. I see his crappy-ass Jeep pull up through my window. He doesn't get out. He is just sitting there. I exhale.

"You're gonna'" I said smiling a little to myself. "Don't worry about it."

She sighs. "I hate this whole thing," She said. "I'm definitely ditching this place next year. I'm so sick of all these fucking nuns telling me what to do..." She goes off talking like crazy. I look out and see him get out finally. He slams his car door and kicks it sharply. He's had a rough day I assume. I inhale waiting for her voice to rise up so I can just agree with her and she'll keep going.

He stands there for a second and then starts walking up to the house. "...so what are you doing?" I lean forward and see him coming up to the door. He's coming slowly and he looks like he always does when he comes to me.

"Your boyfriend's here again..." I say.

She is frozen. She always does when I tell her about him. "Ken?" She says suddenly. "Are you dealing to him again?"

"Yep," I say. "Hold on..." He knocks on the door and I take the phone down away from my ear. "It's open," I yell. He hasn't just come in ever since he found me and Grace. He comes in slowly peaking his head around. I put my blunt into the ashtray I have sitting on my coffee-table. I get up. "Hey," I say.

"Hey," He says. He looks around like he doesn't know where the fuck he is. I walk into the kitchen and go under the kitchen sink. I put the phone back to my ear. "Perfect time to call me, huh?" I say.

"Shut up," She says. She sounds edgy. I don't get why she even got together with the prick. He's just a pussy. All the art kids at that school are. They all smoke weed and work on clay pots. That's why she came to me. He didn't bone her once. I get out my bag and little scale. I put the phone down and weigh it. "How much you want?" I ask looking in his direction.

He's still in front of the door. "How much do you have?"

"Thirty ounces,"

"I have sixty bucks," He said. "Just give me whatever."

I weigh it out. I dig my teeth into my toungue and wait for it to be just right. Then I stick it into a little plastic bag for him. He's still standing there in front of the door. He's such a pussy. He takes everything so seriously. It's not like he was going to marry Grace. If he really wanted her he would have marked his territory but he basically forced her to cheat on him. Or at least I think he did.

I pick up my phone. "How many more minutes do you have?" I ask.

"I can talk for like three more now," She said. "Do you just want me to call you tonight?"

"No, I'm just going to finish up with him." I walk out and hand him the bag pulling the phone away. "You look like shit..."

He takes the bag and examines it. Then he takes out his wallett. "Rough day," He says moping around like an emo kid.

"Every Monday is a rough day for me," I say. He counts out sixty bucks and hands it to me. I put my phone down and could the cash. "Any chicks worth talking about working at the old kiddie camp?"

"Not anymore," He says sourly.

I stick the money in my pocket. I raise my eyebrows. "Let me guess she blew some lifeguard because your cock-" I said.

"Shut up," He says defensively looking me in the eyes. "Drop it, okay? Just shut the fuck up..."

He sticks the bag in his pocket. He opens the door. "Thanks," He says and opens the door shutting it behind him as he runs back to his shiity little Jeep. I pick up the phone. "Hey," I say.

"What was that about?"

"Looks like Little Ken's got a new girlfriend..." I say.

She's quiet. "Hey, Ben, I have to go... I'll call you tonight..."

"Yeah, call me whenever," I say. "Bye."

"I love you," She says.

"Yeah, love you too," I walk back into the living room and hang up. I sink back into the couch and pick up my blunt. The television is quiet and I inhale. I laugh to myself as I see Ken drive away in a huff.


	13. Chapter 10: July 4th

Chapter 10: July 4th

Natalie got out of the car and smiled seeing Cameron. She went right off and went up to him and kissed him. He moved his hand to her lower back and I just sat in my car. I took my keys out of the ignition and hooked them onto my shorts. I opened my door and got out. There was nobody for me to see but it was a big party thing. It wasn't just everyone from the camp- it was the one Natalie invited me to with her.

She came over and picked out an outfit for me. I was in jeans Grace had leant me once. I didn't say they were Grace's but she said they were nice. Then she picked out a green tank top too and I wore my hair down. She made me wear it a special way because she wanted me to meet a nice boy. I hadn't told her about what happened with Kenny. I didn't think it was that big of a deal, but Natalie would have freaked out about what happened and made it something huge. I didn't want that blown up. I just wanted it to be nothing.

I looked around. I had on a grey sweater that I had bought once. Natalie loved it but Grace used to always say it was boring. I didn't have to impress anyone. I pulled the sleeves over my hands and walked around. They were going to have a bonfire and it would end the way parties like this always did. But I wasn't going to be a downer. I just put on a smile when Natalie called me over.

It's all I could do.

"Amanda," She said. "This is Patrick he's a lifeguard at camp."

I looked at Patrick. He smiled at me. "Hey," He said. "It's nice to meet you." I remembered something Kenny had said about him. He was sweat-stain Patty. It doesn't seem funny if I said it but when Kenny referred to him as that I always laughed. I smiled more or less remembering sweat stained Patty jokes and said hello back to him.

"Want something to drink?" Cameron asked Natalie.

"Sure," She said. She looked over at me.

"Me too," I said. I was used to being the tag-along. I knew what I was supposed to do. Chime in when it was neccessary.

"I'll come help," Patrick said. He walked away and Natalie looked at me.

Grace had done this a few times to me. This was when I was supposed to say yes or no. "He's kind of cute," Natalie said. "Plus, Cam said he likes you so what do you think?"

I shrugged. "I barely know him..."

"I know," She said. "But just talk to him a little... he's cool."

"Okay,"

* * *

I sipped my second beer and leaned against the picnic table. Patrick was next to me and we found out we didn't have that much in common very quickly. We went through a few conversations and I realized how awful this was. Grace usually hung around me and brought out things I would have in common with the person she stuck me with but here Patrick was a lost cause. "You're friends with Ken, right?" He asked looking over at me. My spine stiffened.

"Yeah," I said softly. "Kind of."

"Do you know when he's coming tonight?" He asked.

I froze. "No..." My shoulders sagged a little. He was coming? That ruined my night completely. I was going to have to see him. Yesterday had been terrible, and now I had to avoid him all night tonight. I didn't think he'd hang out with people here or show up. I sipped the cup in my hand and hoped I'd feel it hitting me soon.

"Where's Cameron and Natalie?" Patrick asked for the third time. I shrugged. "What?" Patrick said looking at me.

"I don't know," I said. He nodded looking around. _Everyone hates him. He's so annoying. He always starts up awkward conversation. I hate him which says a lot. _I sipped my beer again finishing it off. Patrick noticed.

"Do you want me to get you another?" He asked.

"Sure," I said. I hand him my cup. We've gone through the motions before. I lean back against the picnic table and watch him walk away. I run my fingers through my hair and look around for someone- anyone I could talk to to get away from sweat-stained Patty. Patrick was beginning to smell like B-O.

I look over at the cars and for a second we make eye contact. He stares at me for a second. I feel awkward so I lift a hand in a wave. Then he starts over to me. Why did I have to wave? I didn't want to talk to him. My cheeks burned and I looked down and looked around the pine-needle covered ground. I was stupid. Why would I wave?

"Hey," He said.

"Hi," I looked up at him quickly.

"Can you please stop avoiding me?" He asked weakly. "I'm sorry..."

"It's fine," I said. "Whatever..." I waved my hand and placed it back where it was on the picnic table. I kept my eyes down. It was so embarrassing. He shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Look," He said. "Do you want me to be honest with you?"

I looked up at him. I shook my head. "Kenny..." I said. "I don't need to hear anything. What happened happened, and Grace is still my best friend..." I had said that to myself a thousand times. It came out perfect and fluid. I didn't hesitate. It came out like I had been saying it my whole life.

He stared at me. He pulled his hands out of his pockets. "Can we just talk?" He asked. "You didn't even let me-"

"It's fine, Kenny," I said looking down. "Let's just pretend it never-"

He clenched his teeth and looked down. I never saw him angry or upset or anything. He was always the opposite. He loved everyone and here he was showing me a different side of him. "I'm not just going to do that, Mand," He said softly looking at me. "This isn't about Grace. I'm not using you or whatever you think I am..."

I paused. I nodded looking down. "I know," I said. I looked over and saw Patrick hanging back with two beers in his hand. He was watching casually and talking to some other kids. "Look, you're making a big deal out of this. It's fine."

He looked at me and then just nodded turning and walking away. He walked over eyeing Patrick who started to come over again. He looked back as they passed one another. His eyes met mine for a second. I felt a single tug and I just kept eye contact with him. He turned and went over to a group of guy who welcomed him normally. "What was that about?" Patrick asked.

"Nothing," I said. I took the cup from him. "Thank you..."

* * *

_I sank to the ground against this random canoe. I closed my eyes and let my head drop back and hit the solid surface behind me. Everything flashed through my mind like a movie. I fucked up. Why did this have to be like this? "Grace is still my best friend..." That killed me. I felt my chest sink. I took out another joint and lit up. _

_Cheers, everyone. Have a good fucking day._

* * *

"Is something wrong with Kenny?" Natalie asked suddenly walking up. "Cam said he was upset about something... aren't you guys friends?" I didn't know what upset ever meant. Did upset mean he was pissed off? Or was he crying? Or maybe he was just shoving everyone off? I didn't know. I looked down into my beer.

"I don't know," I said.

"Did something happen between you guys?" She asked.

"No..." She was goingot squeeze it out of me. "Do you know where he is?"

"Someone said he was by the lake..." She said. "What happened, Mand?"

"Nothing," I said softly. "I'm just going to go talk to him, I guess..." I put my cup down. It was untouched and I pushed off of the picnic table and started for the lake. I wasn't really going to go talk to him... but if I stumbled across him I guess he was unavoidable.

* * *

_I inhaled and exhaled. I closed my eyes and the arm movements were normal and fluid for me. It was mechanical. It didn't require thinking. I just lifted the joint to my lips and time went by like you wouldn't believe. It was barely even dark out. Why was she so upset over this? I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't even kiss her._

_My eyes stayed closed. Cheers. I took another hit. _

_"Kenny?" Her voice. I wasn't high enough to hear things. I looked over at him and saw her. She had her hand on the canoe and looked at me. She had her hair down too. I nodded. "Yep," I said. She just looked at me. I was pathetic. I had to look pathetic. I smiled a little and looked at the lake. I was really pathetic. _

_"What?" She said softly. "What's funny?"_

_"Nothing," I said._

_"Tell me," She said._

_"It's nothing," _

_"Come on,"_

_"What?"_

_"Tell me, Kenny,"_

_I look over at her. "You do like me, right?" I said. "I mean you have to. I'm feeling like I'm half in love with you. You can't just not like me right? This is all just because of Grace, right?" I stared at her. _

_"Kenny..." She said under hear breath looking away. For her eyes I'd mix white and light blue. They would look like a swirl with who shiney black dots. When the sun hit her hair just right it shined a little. The curls would be easy, but it would be hard to keep it all from mixing together into a mass of color on her head. Her skin would be pale with pink mixed in some places. Her sunburn would be just a slight pink peaking out from her shoulders. "You and Grace dated for like..."_

_"Grace is in Seattle," I said. "We're here. Just tell me. I'm not going to tell her, Amanda. I'll keep it a secret."_

_She looked at me. Her eyes were shining. She didn't want to say it. Her fingernails would have the chipped pink they always had on them. Her eyelashes were long. She was wearing make-up tonight. Barely any at all but she didn't need it. I don't think she ever needs it. "I can't," She said. "What about Grace?"_

_"Shh," I said. "Stop bringing up Grace."_

_"I can't," She said. She was upset now. She shook her head. "I don't like you Kenny." _

_I looked down. "Okay," I said. "I'm not going to tell anyone then. I don't like you either then Amanda." I took another hit. Cheers, fucking cheers. She sank down to the ground a few feet away from me. _

_I held the joint out to her. She looked over at me. She closed her lips together tightly. She just looked at me. She crossed her arms. I inched closer to her. She looked at the joint. She reached out and took it. She took a hit. "Cheers," I said taking it back._

_"Cheers," She said softly._

* * *

I felt my heart pounding weakly in my chest. I looked over at him and he kept taking hits. I leaned my head back against the canoe he was leaned against. I heard his voice over and over again in my head. After telling myself a million times I couldn't like him, was it so wrong if I did? We could never date, but I didn't even want to date him. He had said it. He had said he liked me just a few minutes ago. He looked over at me. He handed me the joint again.

My fingers brushed his as I took it from him. He looked at me shortly. The sun was setting. "You just gave me chills," He whispered.

I looked at him and then just held the joint back out to him. I felt like crying. Everything was jumbled inside of me. "I'm sorry," I said. "I just can't do that to-"

He stared at me. "What do you want?" He asked. "Forget Grace... she's out getting beaten by nuns. You're sitting right here with me. What do you want right now?" He looked down at the ground putting the joint out.

I looked down. "I'd be awful to kiss," I said. "I've never kissed anyone before. I'd be sloppy."

He shook his head. "I'm not that picky," He said. "Why would you worry about something like that? I'm not going to tell anyone if you're lousy at kissing..." I looked down. I felt so stupid now. "Unless you're really _really _bad... now that's a different story-"

"Shut up," I said smiling and laughing a little.

He inched closer. "Do you trust me?" He asked me softly. His voice was low and comforting.

I nodded. "Sure," I said.

"No," He said smiling. "I want you to really mean it..."

I smiled closing my eyes. "Yes," I said. "I trust you." I opened them looking at him. He moved so her was right next to me.

He just sat there. "Do you want this?" He asked softly. He was so close all of a sudden. He was sitting less than half a foot away from me. I swallowed feeling my heart racing. I nodded.

"Yes," I said softly.

He just looked at me. "I really like you," He said softly. "I don't know how, but I just know I do."

I nodded. "Me too," I said. "I like you, too."

We were both whispering. He was so close. I looked at him and he reached up touching my face. His fingertips were warm. I felt something sweep through me and everything just burst alive. My heart was racing and my stomach was full of butterflies. I smiled weakly. "You just gave me chills," I whispered.

He was leaning in closer and he smiled weakly. He leaned his forehead against mine. I shifted so our lips were closer. In a split second he cocked his head to the side and his lips met mine. I felt warm inside. It was short. My mind was on fire. In a second we both pulled away and he looked at me.

I closed my eyes and he kissed me again. His lips moved slightly and I felt nervous. He reached down taking my hands and moved them to his neck. I kept them there. I felt his hair. Then one of my fingers landed on his pulse. It was racing. I didn't know how I was even to control my hands. They felt disconnected. I was kissing him. It wasn't hard. It was easy. I knew what I was doing almost.

He pulled away touching my face. He just looked at me. I leaned in again and kissed him. This is what people called sparks I assumed. I felt like all of the happiness in the world was inside of me. I felt like I was about to explode.

* * *

_I pulled her to her feet and we moved to the edge of the wall. Looking up you could hear fireworks going off. I squeezed her hand and she answered it back with a squeeze. I wove our fingers together. Her hands were soft and perfect. I looked at her and she was staring up at the fireworks. I smiled to myself and looked back up._

_It was the fourth of July. I was on top of the world. I kissed her temple and she looked up at me and I kissed her again. I couldn't stop myself. She turned facing me. I could kiss her forever. She was perfect. I wanted to explode. I was so happy all of a sudden. I felt like I was on the most serious drugs ever discovered. _

_Her mouth tasted so sweet. I didn't know it was possible, but I fell harder for her than any other girl I've ever met._


End file.
